The other day, Stephen played the song "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall" by Coldplay and it instantly sent me into a shower of tears. I still am not sure why, except that it had something to do with it reminding me of my life before Micah.

It's not that my life now is super unhappy, it is just confusing right now. I can't even refer to myself in first person when I journal about my experiences so far with Micah, it's always "Micah's mommy" instead. Just goes to show that I still haven't quite settled into this role yet. I have a lot of growing to do before it feels like a shoe that actually fits.

It's shocking how different becoming a mom makes you feel. I don't think any other life change is so jarring. Can't even put words to it yet; don't think I'll be able to for a couple months.

It's not a bad kind of jarring. Just a definite jarring. Reality literally shifts. In the last week, we left the house maybe twice, and driving down those roads I spent SO much time driving on before Micah was the most surreal experience. Twice I said, "Look at all these people living such normal lives..." It was supremely weird.

This is the close of Micah's 13th day of life--tomorrow he will be 2 weeks old. We're experimenting with his schedule right now to see if we can find something that works for everyone. Today we tuckered him out pretty good and put him down in his crib for the night at 9:00. It would be super super nice if he kept that schedule, but if there's one thing I know about newborns so far, it's that they never have the same schedule two days in a row. "The only thing constant is change," as they say.

So we'll see how tomorrow goes. For now I think I'll go see if I can get in some quality time with my husband.

-Stephanie

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