Entry #2 for today.

Stephen helped me realize something today.

I was upset and feeling like an utter failure because we experimented with Micah's bedtime and it failed. Oy. He still got to sleep around 9, but ugghh. I don't even want to elaborate.

Anyway, so I was crying and ALL the things I feel like make me a failure came rushing back into my head, the way they do when I fail at something. One of the bitterest things that comes up at these times is that I'm an HSP (extra sensitive to sights, sounds, etc.) and I "can't tolerate Micah's crying."

Stephen understands me so well, and he kept telling me that being an HSP doesn't make me a failure as a person, just like his dyslexia doesn't make him a failure as a person. It has advantages and disadvantages, he said. He talked about it sometimes being a handicap that you have to find a wheelchair for, but how at a different stage of life, it'll be an advantage and won't be a handicap anymore.

Somehow that really helped me, to think of it as a handicap that I currently need to use a wheelchair with, but this stage only lasts for a short while. I guess it's because when I see a handicapped person, I never, EVER think of them as a failure. I think of them as having to make adjustments, but I NEVER think of them as a failure. So why would I be that harsh on myself?

I was going to post this on Facebook, but I just don't think people would understand. I don't blame them. Being a "Highly Sensitive Person" sounds hokey even to my ears. I'd think it was quack science if it weren't for my own personal reality.

So I'll just leave it here. Maybe I'll post about it later when I'm feeling slightly stronger of mettle. At the moment I'm still a bit shaken up from crying.

-Stephanie

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