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�who am I: I'm a small town girl, living in the big city, learning to trust God. I married a wonderful, patient man, Stephen, in October of 2008 and we had our first child, Micah, in June 2014. I've been keeping this diary since I was 16 years old, so it has seen a lot of life with me!

�likes: singing my soul out, writing my heart out, learning new things, falling in love, helping people, thinking about life, talking things through, dancing

�dislikes: not knowing where I'm going, fighting, losing touch with friends, making mistakes

�current reads:
tobehis
lobo21
standongrace
jondavid2010
fistofdoom
koorikaze

�old reads:
icofxcnika
iamhephzibah
eowyn86
araquen
onlygrace
howgoesit
twintale

My Bucket Lists
Dreams and Goals - 2004
Bucket List - 2019

The current mood of Seinahpet210 at www.imood.com

Boot Camp
6:46 a.m. || November 08, 2014

Finally, somewhere I can be 100% honest. Thank God for Diaryland. Never mind that I'm attempting this on a #$%&* touchscreen. I hate touchscreens. But it's stupidly convenient.

Anyway, I just wanted somewhere to admit that I am not coping very well. I have wondered several times in the last few weeks if Micah should have a different mommy.

LOL. Actually, if I want to be 100% honest, what I should say is, I don't want to do this anymore.

There. I said it. Whew, that feels nice to say.

I'm just going to sit there for a moment.

Dear Diary, this would be easier if Stephen weren't running 100� fevers the last 2 days.

I've seen a lot of news stories of late about people killing their children. Accidentally or otherwise. People react in comments very violently to these stories. "They should never have been a parent! May they rot in hell!" Is the most common phrasing. Not even kidding.

I get the impression that these people have never parented a baby before. Or at least they are far enough removed from baby parenthood that they feel justified in seething out personal condemnation upon these parents. Because outside of God's grace, I can understand why people would lose it and snap.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture in real life contexts.

Anyway, I'm a parent now. And there is no off switch. My only option is to soldier on.

My sister went to boot camp in the Marines. I became a parent.

One last thought before I sign off. I don't know how my mom did this single.

(Technically she was still married to my dad when Sam and I were babies. But she says Dad didn't "lift a finger to help.")

That's all for now.

-Stephanie

previous || next

Miss Something?

Bucket List - 2019 - July 28, 2019

Stephen's Out of Town - April 24, 2019

A Little Bit "Extra" - April 01, 2019

Mara <3 - April 01, 2019

God's Justice and My Mom - March 24, 2019