Finally, somewhere I can be 100% honest. Thank God for Diaryland. Never mind that I'm attempting this on a #$%&* touchscreen. I hate touchscreens. But it's stupidly convenient.
Anyway, I just wanted somewhere to admit that I am not coping very well. I have wondered several times in the last few weeks if Micah should have a different mommy.
LOL. Actually, if I want to be 100% honest, what I should say is, I don't want to do this anymore.
There. I said it. Whew, that feels nice to say.
I'm just going to sit there for a moment.
Dear Diary, this would be easier if Stephen weren't running 100� fevers the last 2 days.
I've seen a lot of news stories of late about people killing their children. Accidentally or otherwise. People react in comments very violently to these stories. "They should never have been a parent! May they rot in hell!" Is the most common phrasing. Not even kidding.
I get the impression that these people have never parented a baby before. Or at least they are far enough removed from baby parenthood that they feel justified in seething out personal condemnation upon these parents. Because outside of God's grace, I can understand why people would lose it and snap.
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture in real life contexts.
Anyway, I'm a parent now. And there is no off switch. My only option is to soldier on.
My sister went to boot camp in the Marines. I became a parent.
One last thought before I sign off. I don't know how my mom did this single.
(Technically she was still married to my dad when Sam and I were babies. But she says Dad didn't "lift a finger to help.")
That's all for now.
-Stephanie
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Miss Something?
Bucket List - 2019 - July 28, 2019
Stephen's Out of Town - April 24, 2019
A Little Bit "Extra" - April 01, 2019
Mara <3 - April 01, 2019
God's Justice and My Mom - March 24, 2019