"Just so you know, I will probably cry,"I informed her.

"Why?" Carolyn asked. "Don't you feel safe?"

She floored me.

Well, no. No, I don't feel safe, I mentally answered her.

"You have a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby..." She may've mentioned some other things.

"That makes me feel safer," I say.

But not safe, I mentally add.

We were talking about working out communication issues with Stephen's grandma (Carolyn's mom), yesterday at lunch.

Her question has been echoing in my head ever since.

Don't you feel safe?

No. No, I don't feel safe. I never feel safe with people I don't know. I always feel like I'm on trial and the verdict has mentally already been announced in their head: failure.

So I'm always just waiting for them to say it out loud.

Just waiting for them to say what my heart already thinks is true.

So no. No, I never feel safe.

Stephen and my grandparents are the only people I feel safe with.

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023