Okay, so every time I delete a draft on Facebook, it loads other drafts. And I can't seem to find a way to make it load ALL my drafts at once. So here is another one.

This one is from January 31, 2011. It really didn't get finished. Maybe someday I'll finish it.

Stephen gave me a great analogy for my life today. When he was just learning to walk, he got really, really sick. He had to stay in bed for a long time, and when he finally healed, he had to relearn to walk all over again. After walking with Christ most of my life, about three years ago, I got very spiritually sick for about a year's time. I have since healed, but I am having to learn to walk all over again.

It's extremely frustrating at times, because I remember, very clearly, the days when trusting Christ came so easily. "Why can't I remember how to do this anymore?" I keep asking myself.

Now I'm learning that remembering in the past how easy it was to walk once upon a time, and focusing on the frustration that comes with comparing myself then to myself now, has only hindered my actual getting up and walking. So I'm letting go of the past. I'm letting go of the person I was then and asking God to just help me step forward in faith.

He tells me in one of his Psalms that His Word is a lamp unto my feet. I recently realized that it doesn't say, "Thy Word is a floodlight to my eyes," or, even better, "Thy Word makes everything as clear as the daylight." He says it's a lamp....to my feet.

It reminds me of a quote I love by Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Letting

I grew up, basically, as a Christian. A rather legalistic Christian, but a Christian nonetheless. When junior high and high school hit, along with adolescence, I found myself floundering in my faith, uncertain of my identity as a Christian. One early morning in my 17th year of life, I woke up overwhelmed by stresses that had been building for months. I had been trying to handle them all on my own and it had failed miserably. So I woke up from a restless night of sleep and quickly wrote a frustrated prayer in my journal: "I give up, God. I cannot handle this anymore. YOU take it! I can't do it. I give up." I finally just trusted God with everything, and it changed everything. The next year or so of my life saw a great increase of faith as I sought to know Him more and gain confidence in Him. It was truly the "golden age" of my faith.

When trials came, with college following shortly behind, I was thrown into confusion about what I believed.

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