Sigh. Just when I sit down to write something deep, Micah wakes up... Story of my life.

...I think he went back to sleep.

Yesterday at small group, we were studying God's omnipotence. So naturally, we got on to the topic of free will vs. God's sovereignty. That's always a fun one in Christian circles.

Through studying this topic a bit myself, I've managed to come to believe that it may somehow be possible for God to be sovereign and for humans to have free will of some sort at the same time. Torrey's questions last night were good for making me think about it some more. I'm here to see if I can get some of the thoughts straightened out in my head.

What I said yesterday is that Tim Keller presents and interesting idea that tries to marry the two concepts. Essentially, people send themselves to hell. They decide they want to have nothing to do with God.

What I didn't go into enough was the second part, "And God lets them." What Romans 1 makes pretty clear: "And God gave them over to the desires of their hearts."

I did allude to it in a comment I made when the discussion was just about to move on. I said, "What I also find comforting is that at any moment, God can dip down into a person's life who's running the opposite direction and say, 'Oh, you THINK you're going that way, well, just let Me shake up your world a bit.' And turns them around. Right up until the very last minute, He can do this, whenever He wants to."

We also talked about, well, what does that mean about mission work? What's the point if God can use anybody and it doesn't have to be you?

I admit, I've struggled with that a bit. I didn't get a chance to say as much to Torrey. Wish I could've, I would've liked to be that transparent.

Stephen gave a pretty good answer, I thought. Essentially, he said, "Well, what if it IS you?" He talked about how you can live life believing that every nonChristian God places in your life is in YOUR LIFE for a reason.

I mentioned that I've seen that in my own life, with Rhonda. I didn't articulate it very well, but I tried to express how CRAZY it is that God put her back in my life. I didn't even have to go hunt her down. By her own free will, she chose to contact me. (Her own free will, guided/initiated by God, haha. I always think of the analogy of God putting a thumb in your back, gently guiding/pushing and saying, "Go this way." [Isaiah 30:21] He totally does that.)

So anyway... I think that's all I can remember.

Oh, I also mentioned that I find the concept of predestination comforting because then if people reject me when I share the Gospel, it's not my fault. The burden of converting people doesn't rest directly on my shoulders (thank God).

Stephen told a story about a girl he knew who was beside herself with guilt because a roommate of hers didn't convert to Christianity and then she moved out. I mentioned that I pretty much lived exactly that way in my teen years. It was awful. Rhonda comes to mind--so many times. Angela from elementary school. Nicole from Dland/AOL. I'm sure there were others.

Anyway, I don't suppose that's exactly precisely tied to predestination, but closely related.

I wish I hadn't tried to convert people to legalism/moralism. What a stupid way to go about it. But what else could I have done? I grew up thinking Christianity was about being a moral person just like everybody else.

Well, everybody except for Presbyterians, apparently. :)

And then they went and made it sound SO URGENT that we had to save people RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE and that you are THE ONLY PERSON that can save them.

Ugh. Christ saves people. Not this human.

Oh well. God's sovereign. So He had a reason for my terrible attempts at "witnessing" too. I hope the people that I attempted to witness to come to a true understanding of the Gospel.

Oh, on that note.... One of my friends I just mentioned that I tried to convert, Angela, apparently listens to Christian music. I just found that out via Facebook the other day. Blew me away!! I don't know if she understands the Gospel exactly, but I NEVER expected to learn she was listening to Christian music. The funny thing is it's Christian hard rock.

I find it so interesting the way God still keeps a hand in some of my friends' lives. It again makes me think, "It's still not too late."

And Rhonda... We'll just continue to wait and see what happens with her. For the rest of my life, probably.

Fresh starts. Fresh, clean starts are something I need to have with people.

-Stephanie

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