Argh. This is one time I wish my diary here had an audience.

I just need to vent some frustration at the moment.

My church has been into this discipling thing for the last several years.

I don't like it.

It's essentially forcing people into relationships with strangers under the premise of one of us being the wiser Christian leading the older Christian to a deeper understanding of their faith.

LOL. The way I just put that, it sounds like I'm part of a cult.

Their intentions are good. I honestly mean that.

But I absolutely hate the whole concept.

No, that's not true. I hate the part that involves being forced into a relationship or friendship. In my world, in my mindset, relationships are supposed to happen spontaneously and naturally. Not by forcing!!!!!

Anyway, the leader-ish people at church who know me see that I'm a more mature Christian ready for discipleship or whatever and keep trying to put me into relationships with "older, wiser" Christians so they can disciple me into a deeper understanding of my faith.

I honestly really ought to be the one discipling.

And yeah, that's as arrogant as it sounds.

But seriously, our church just is not a hotbed of intellectuals.

And even if there are a bunch of them at our church (which there MUST be somewhere), how am I supposed to find them sifting through all 1500 of our members?

In addition to being discipled, the church and, therefore, Sara think I also should be discipling someone. I'm inclined to think that that would be a better fit for me right now than being discipled.

Savannah is a bit like my "disciplee." But we're more on the same level than it seems. Because she's married to Will, who's lightyears ahead of everybody I know except Stephen (he's slightly ahead of Stephen).

Stephen says Savannah has respect for me theologically because she has respect for Stephen and I'm Stephen's wife. I think that's pretty sweet. I think I feel roughly the same way toward her. Although I think Will can be a little extreme from time to time.

But then again, so can Stephen.

Um... I've vented my frustration and now I don't know what to write.

Oh! Right.

So there's this one lady I really like at church, and once her name came up and it was clear that I like her, Sara pounced on it and started the conversation (with my permission) on Facebook. Only... I like her because she's funny. And I admire her because she is a mom of 3 boys and has a great relationship with them.

I also respect her husband for his solidness of faith, which is surprisingly important to me, as I discovered through talking with Sara on Saturday. But I guess if a man is being a good spiritual head of a relationship, his wife is more likely to be someone I can connect with.

Anyway, now that I've started the conversation with this woman, I thought of somebody else that would actually probably be a better fit... So, phooey... Now what? I may end up meeting with them both for a while. Or maybe the first one will decline anyway.

Well, Micah is awake from his nap, and I"m starving, so time to go.

-Stephanie

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