Sometimes I wish I could just suck my words right back into my mouth. Sometimes I wish I kept my mouth shut and stop assuming people will be okay with my choices as a parent.

Last week, I mentioned in the course of a conversation with my family (Grandpa was in town) that we will probably be homeschooling. Today I mentioned in passing that I had to spank Micah this morning. I got huge raised eyebrows from my mom on both counts--more on the spanking than the homeschooling, though.

Today I wished I could zip those words right back into my mouth. Big old "whoops!"

My mom doesn't really not-approve of spanking... She is actually quite open-minded about most things... But I think she was just shocked that her sensitive, timid daughter would take such an "aggressive" approach to parenting.

She has no idea what spanking in discipline, without anger, really means. I don't think the concept has ever even been introduced to her. It certainly never had been to me when I met Stephen.

But my mom doesn't ask people about their personal choices. She just zips her lips, but she makes lots of facial expressions that say, "Wow, that really surprises me."

I'm a lot like her in that respect.

I wish she would talk to me about it and ask me about it, instead of just assuming she knows what I'm talking about.

That's something I've worked hard to do more. It's hard, sometimes, to ask, "Why?" if you're afraid people will think you're judging them and fly off the handle.

Oh. It just dawned on me that she's like that because of Sam. Hmm.

Because that's just what Sam does when you question her actions.

But I am trying to train myself that all people are not like Sam. Most people assume the best about others' motivations.

I wonder if it would be totally out of the blue to call my mom just to talk to her further about it.

She might appreciate it.

Anyway.

I feel better now that I've journaled about this. I would have journaled to Stephen about it on the phone, but he had a doctor's appointment over his lunch break, so we didn't get to talk.

"Hi Mom, I just want you to know that it's okay to ask me--"

Well. No, because sometimes I do get upset when I'm questioned. I don't fly off the handle; I cry. Usually because I'm incredibly insecure and am just trying to make the best choices I know how to and am so tired of trying to defend myself. So I guess Mom is afraid of that, too. :/

But if we made a habit of talking more openly about things, that wouldn't be as much of an issue.

But we'd have to be more thick-skinned with each other to do that.

So anyway. I guess I would just have to say, "Hi Mom, I saw your face when I mentioned spanking Micah. I just wanted to let you know that I don't do it in anger." LOL. That just sounds funny/weird to say. It would sound so completely foreign to Mom. "How do you not spank in anger? That's not even possible," she'd be thinking. Oh Mom. There is so much she missed out on.

"Hi Mom, was there something you wanted to ask me about spanking Micah?" Haha. Put her on the spot...

Maybe I'll ask Stephen what he thinks tonight.

Other ways I've thought of discussing the subject with her:

"Anger is a me problem. It's not a Micah problem. If Micah is ever angry, that's a Micah problem. But my own anger is not a Micah problem."

"I heard this analogy once about shaking a water bottle. If you shake a water bottle, water gets on everything. But if the bottle was full of milk, water wouldn't get on everything. Milk would. We're like the bottle. Life is what shakes us. And whatever comes out, comes out because it is already inside of us."

"I had to take a break for a week or so from spanking Micah because I was doing it in anger and I didn't want to do that."

"It's about consistency, discipline, and training. Not about punishment. Not about making myself feel better. Not about an eye for an eye--you hurt me, so I get to hurt you. It's about, 'This is what happens when you do this. So you need to learn not to do this so this will not happen to you anymore."

The bottom line is it is just about not spanking in anger.

Okay. Time to go change stinky's diaper. :)

By the way, he is a wonderful, happy, SWEET sweet kid that I love to death. Goodness. He's such a wonderful kid.

-Stephanie

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023