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�who am I: I'm a small town girl, living in the big city, learning to trust God. I married a wonderful, patient man, Stephen, in October of 2008 and we had our first child, Micah, in June 2014. I've been keeping this diary since I was 16 years old, so it has seen a lot of life with me!

�likes: singing my soul out, writing my heart out, learning new things, falling in love, helping people, thinking about life, talking things through, dancing

�dislikes: not knowing where I'm going, fighting, losing touch with friends, making mistakes

�current reads:
tobehis
lobo21
standongrace
jondavid2010
fistofdoom
koorikaze

�old reads:
icofxcnika
iamhephzibah
eowyn86
araquen
onlygrace
howgoesit
twintale

My Bucket Lists
Dreams and Goals - 2004
Bucket List - 2019

The current mood of Seinahpet210 at www.imood.com

Stuff Not Going into my New Testimony
11:40 p.m. || June 11, 2016

I'm rewriting my testimony on my other Dland, standongrace. (And in Word... And on Wordpress...) Sometimes it's hard to untangle the journey of my relationship with Stephen and the journey of my relationship with God. Not because I think of Stephen as God (hardly!), but because they were happening at exactly the same time, and God used my relationship with Stephen in some ways to bring me back to Him. I guess this is a good exercise for me to help untangle it.

Anyway, some of the writing about my relationship with Stephen is real and good, and I want to keep it somewhere. Someday I'll have a complete story of my relationship with Stephen.

Here are the clips.

...

Of all the ways to bring me back, God chose the one thing I had always craved. A loving, stable relationship.

I hurt Stephen. Lots of times. I tried to put him through what I’d been through, to make him understand how betrayal felt. I wanted to prove to myself that he was no different than any of the other liars I knew. I had so many reasons to distrust him.

Shortly before the wedding, things hit the crisis point with Stephen. I had contacted my bridesmaids to let them know this might not be happening.

In the weeks that followed, I came to the bottom of myself. I reached the bottom of my pile of reasons not to trust Stephen with my heart and soul, and there weren’t any left, and all I knew was that I still knew I wanted to marry him. When I remembered back to the day that I realized I was going to marry him, the feeling still had not changed. It was still absolutely, inexplicably solid. And when I looked hard at Stephen, I saw that he still did not want that to change, either. We were damaged, more serious, broken…But we weren’t going to retreat. We were going to go ahead. We were hurt, but somehow this was still the right answer.

So I still had Stephen.

I needed Stephen.

When I met Stephen, I was angry at everyone and I wanted to make enemies of everyone I met. I wanted to expose their hypocrisy and their wickedness and their deceit. I wanted to hurt them because they hurt me.

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Miss Something?

Bucket List - 2019 - July 28, 2019

Stephen's Out of Town - April 24, 2019

A Little Bit "Extra" - April 01, 2019

Mara <3 - April 01, 2019

God's Justice and My Mom - March 24, 2019