Dear Diary,

I am an all-or-nothing kind of person. I'm not sure how I have just now realized this.

It goes with perfectionism and being an HSP and OCD and the general way I interact with the world.

It's why I can't work at the flower shop AND be a mommy. No matter how much my boss begs me.

It's why I get crazy obsessed over things and other times I can't be bothered to even care.

It's why I don't take better care of my house, oddly enough. The task seems insurmountably daunting to me because if I try to do one thing, then I have to do ALL of it, immediately.

It's why criticism hurts so bad. Especially if it's subtle.

And it's why I am really angry right now and just want to yell, "WILL I EVER BE FREE OF THIS DEMON OF PERFECTIONISM?!?!?!"

I received some subtle criticism today. And I am extremely hurt and feeling like a failure. It was for a stupid, tiny thing that I didn't even know about and that actually doesn't even matter in reality, but apparently it matters to the person who criticized me.

Sigh. And now Micah is asking for Daniel Tiger and I can't say yes because I am waiting for Stephen to call me back so I can ask him whether we should go back and visit Grandma today. She had cataract surgery and I don't know if she wants visitors.

Ugh.

Life is not being good to me today.

-Stephanie

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