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�who am I: I'm a small town girl, living in the big city, learning to trust God. I married a wonderful, patient man, Stephen, in October of 2008 and we had our first child, Micah, in June 2014. I've been keeping this diary since I was 16 years old, so it has seen a lot of life with me!

�likes: singing my soul out, writing my heart out, learning new things, falling in love, helping people, thinking about life, talking things through, dancing

�dislikes: not knowing where I'm going, fighting, losing touch with friends, making mistakes

�current reads:
tobehis
lobo21
standongrace
jondavid2010
fistofdoom
koorikaze

�old reads:
icofxcnika
iamhephzibah
eowyn86
araquen
onlygrace
howgoesit
twintale

My Bucket Lists
Dreams and Goals - 2004
Bucket List - 2019

The current mood of Seinahpet210 at www.imood.com

Sam's Song Dedicated to Me
10:10 p.m. || June 18, 2018

Well, my sister was just utterly adorable. Geez. I'm not even being sarcastic.

She started posting videos of herself singing on Facebook. First she did a song that is her "heart song," so to speak. She identifies with it a lot. It's "God Help the Outcasts" from Hunchback of Notre Dame. She cried during that one, which I thought was really brave and wonderful of her to be so transparent and honest. So unlike the Sam I grew up with. <3 <3

Then she did a song dedicated to Mom ("Mama" by Il Divo), which I didn't listen to, but I thought it was sweet that she did that for Mom. :)

Then, to my surprise, she did a dedication to me. She started out describing me as she viewed me growing up and I was, first, kind of shocked she didn't say a thing about how Pharisaical and hypocrtical and evil I was to her. Not even a hint! Second, the song is "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler, and she talked about how she always saw me as kind of living in her shadow because she was so outgoing and involved with so much and liked to be in the limelight (okay, my words, not hers). Which I'm like, I didn't even know you saw that!!

Funny thing is, I never felt "overshadowed" by her. If anything, I felt like she lived in MY shadow because I was the good student, good daughter, etc.

So I'm sitting here trying to process Sam, which never ever happens anymore. But, I mean, she just shifted my whole relationship with her because she has obviously forgotten and hopefully forgiven all the ways I came down on her for not being "good enough." So I'm like, what do I even do with this? All these years I've tried to conjure up the courage and humility to apologize to her in hopes of restoring our relationship, and here she goes making me think that's maybe not even necessary and she's been ready for a new relationship all along. What the? I mean, we had a serious fight on Christmas back, like, 5 or 6 years ago. It was awful. I was in agony.

Sam has always been better at moving on from things. She's also not as good at apologizing. I guess she just lives in the moment SO much that it just doesn't even occur to her. And all this time I thought she was resenting me for years and years.

Don't get me wrong, I'm guessing if we dug a little she would totally still have things to work through, but I feel like maybe she has worked through a lot of it already. Maybe/probably with Daunte. Funny how our significant others become our best counselors. :)

So yeah. I have a ton to process right now. Wow. And I'm very touched by her video and told her as much. What a sweetheart.

(Golly, whodda thought I'd ever say that about Sam?!) (Sorry if you ever read this, Sam, without the context of the rest of my journal. :) ) (Not super likely, but just in case.)

-Stephanie

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Miss Something?

Bucket List - 2019 - July 28, 2019

Stephen's Out of Town - April 24, 2019

A Little Bit "Extra" - April 01, 2019

Mara <3 - April 01, 2019

God's Justice and My Mom - March 24, 2019