Every night before bed, we feed him, swaddle him, and hold him upright until he gets sleepy. Then we lay him down in his crib, whisper prayers over him, leave the room, and close the door. Then I crumple into Stephen and cry a little because he is finally asleep, and I miss him.

I'm that way particularly when it's been a good day after a long string of rough days. Which was definitely true today.

I'm also particularly this way when my husband is the one who holds him until he falls asleep, which is more often than not.

You just pour yourself into this little tiny, hard to understand person all day, and then you reach the end of the day and all of the emotions that went into unconditionally loving him all melt together and turn you into a puddle when you see his sweet little face finally peaceful... Gets me every single time.

I miss his eyes looking at me and trusting me completely. Even though it's totally exahusting when someone trusts you that much and you know how imperfect you are.

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