Dear Diary,

I finally told my boss the bad news. That I won't be coming back as a regular employee.

I tried not to cry in front of him, but it didn't work.

I really loved that job and it breaks my heart into so many pieces that I don't feel right trying to do the job and be Micah's mommy at the same time. I just don't think it would be healthy for anyone.

The other thing I did, which was stupid, was basically tell him I'd help out for Valentine's Day, Friday and Saturday.

I have a hard time letting things go.

I keep telling myself, "It's only 2 days. How bad could it be?"

But I know that I won't like it.

There's a Stephanie that worked as a floral designer and there's a Stephanie that works as a mommy. And ne'er the twain [should] meet.

But I have a hard time letting go of every version of myself that fades into the past.

Especially this time, because I really, really loved that job.

And I'm still not sure about mommyhood.

:/

I always, always, always heard people say to me before I got pregnant, "Being a mom is hard, but it's all worth it." I haven't got to the "all worth it" part yet. :/ Babies are really, really hard.

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