I went by our old apartments today in search of Krystal Primavera. From everything I could tell, it looked as though she still lived there, and there was a light on. But I didn't want to come to her door empty-handed. So I drove down the road to the berry farm in search of a gift (I had to buy honey there anyway). Unfortunately, I didn't see anything that jumped out at me. Although there were some cute little "friendship tokens" that I pondered and also some candles.

I decided to go to the natural foods store and look for some flowers and maybe a soap gift. I got there and picked up some tulips for her, some chapsticks for me, and a Mother's Day card for her.

Driving back to the apartment, my heart was pounding and my hands were shaky. I prayed she would be there. I almost cried trying to imagine what to do if she wasn't, or if somebody else was there. I agonized over whether to bring the gifts TO the door or to leave them in the car and then get them if it was her.

It took me a long time to find a parking space. Parking has gotten worse there since they turned some visitor spaces into numbered spaces. Hispanic kids I didn't recognize rode bikes across the parkway, giving me distrustful looks. I almost panicked, fearing that my task would be defeated before I'd even had a chance to see if she were there. Finally, a spot was opened by the office. I pulled in. Given the distance, I decided carrying the gifts wasn't worth it. I would see if she were still there first.

The lights were no longer on. The shades were pulled. There was a fancy ceramic pot by the door that I didn't recall being there before. And a rug that looked new. The door was ajar. I knocked timidly. No answer. I remembered there had been lots of times that she didn't answer her door if she wasn't expecting anyone--probably a wise move for a single mom in an apartment complex. I contemplated calling out, "Vecina!" like I had considered so many times before. I knocked once more, still not able knock above a tap. Still no answer.

I waited a moment longer, and then decided to go. I glanced at the Hispanic families one more time to see if any of them were Krystal and her boys, but the women were too large. Krystal was always on the thinner side.

I walked back to my car and drove away. I hadn't been able to get my questions answered, but I had the peace I had prayed for.

I have one last plan for finding Krystal. I'm going to send the card I bought to her address. I only know her first name and one of her middle names, but I want so much to love on her, just like I always have.

All this is making me contemplate going back into working with refugees. I'm not sure what I can do with a toddler in tow, but people in over their heads fighting to stay in America still have a huge, special place in my heart.

Well, I better go wake up munchie.

-Stephanie

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