A poem I wrote after talking to Nate last Friday. There's more on that situation... I'll explain it after:

"Love for always"
Quickly ended,
Broken heart
Just lately mended.

End of love with
End of mood, like
Silver tarnished
Ere it's new.

"Love for always"
Quick believed;
Fast departure,
Girl is grieved.

Interest elsewhere
Found with haste;
Girl left speechless;
"Love's" a waste.

"Love for always"
Quickly ended,
Broken heart
Just lately mended.

Actually, I don't think Nate really has turned to Cassie already. (Cassie is a friend of his that he has been talking about and awful lot lately...) I don't think he's head over heels for her, is what I'm saying. So I may revise the poem so that verse ("Interest elsewhere...") is a little different.

Anyway, what was the other thing I was going to write? Oh, yeah. So this is the source of my pain right now: I talked to my mom last night a little about Nate and him not calling and all this junk. I don't remember what cued this question, but I asked it, already knowing what she would say.

"Do you think...he'll ever call?"

Mom was quiet for a second. "Well... No, I don't think he will."

That's when the tears started flowing.

It hurts because I know she's probably right...

I took off Nate's necklace, the one he gave me for graduation to replace his that I lost. :( I've been wearing it off and on, but I'm not going to wear it anymore. Unless he calls, but he probably won't.

I took his pictures down off my wardrobe and replaced them with a picture of Elizabeth and I that she gave me. At least friends are forever...

I also put away the little black stuffed panther that was sitting on my bureau (is that how you spell that? Man, and I'm in French... LOL). Nate has a bigger black panther that he used to hug at night, pretending it was me, so my little panther reminds me of him. Anyway... I put the necklace, the pictures, and the stuffed animal in the black Keepsakes chest under my bed, which has all the other pictures of him and me in it. I don't know what I'll do, yet, about the pictures in my photo album on my bureau... It isn't ALL Nate and I, but there are several pictures of us. I need to take those out; I just don't know what I'd replace them with.

Once I gave Elizabeth a pair of monkeys for her birthday... A best-friends thing, you know? Anyway, I don't know if she still has hers, but I still have mine, though it's been in that black chest for a long time. I took it out of the chest yesterday and set it up with its arms around the picture of Liz and I that now looks over my bed. I also rearranged the other stuff on top of my wardrobe (phone book, laundry basket, teddy bear) so this purple and gold teddy bear Liz gave me for Christmas or birthday recently is sitting by the picture and monkey.

I need to hurry and finish up--chapel in 20 minutes--so to end this entry, this is not a sign of deep depression. I don't want anyone getting all worried about that. It's saying goodbye and moving on.

Yeah, I'm in a lot of pain right now, even as I type this. But it's nothing everlasting... It may take a while to move on, but I will move on.

Crazy, isn't it? This situation is finally coming to a close. I bet you thought it'd never end. :T

Anyway... I think I'll spend some time with God in my quiet place, the prayer chapel, today when I have time... Thanks for your prayers, everyone. Don't let me be too much of a burden!! :) I know you all have your own struggles you're going through. So anyway, when you think of it, say a little prayer for me, and that'll be fine. Love you all.

-Stephanie

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