I hate Words With Friends.

And yet I can't quit.

Stephen gave me an interesting insight into myself yesterday: I don't mind losing games most of the time, but I hate it when I get whomped! I guess if I have to lose, I at least want it to have been a fair fight. None of this losing by 100+ points business!

But the real problem lately is that I don't care anymore. I don't want to take extra minutes to think of good words, I just want to come up with something and finish the game already. And I think I know why.

I play pretty well at anything when I'm new, because I want to be GOOD and surprise everyone. But then after I've played for a while, fixed the things wrong with my playing strategy, and then I still get whomped, I learn that I'm not incredibly awesome at this game, and then I lose motivation to try.

So. What does this mean about me? (Pardon me while I pretend you all are not here. I am less likely to utilize self-preservation tactics that way.)

I think that's part of what happens when you're naturally good at school. You get to this place where you expect everything else in life to come easily. You lose your motivation to try.

I even saw that in college, which is why I didn't do so well in college as I did in high school. I didn't put in as much effort, because it was already sealed in my mind that I was good at schoolwork. But college is a different playing field, and so is life. You actually do have to try a little harder.

Ugh, that is so humbling. :/

Humility certainly isn't the most fun lesson to learn. But dear Lord, please help me learn it.

I've also seen this lack of trying in my faith walk since coming into a Reformed circle of thought. My salvation is already secure in Christ Jesus and what He did for me at the Cross, which is great, so it is easy to slip into that same mentality: "I'm already good enough; why try past the point of the Cross?"

Ironically, that's just a slightly altered version of the message from the rest of the world, which right now is, "You were always good enough, you don't need to try anymore, you never did; God loves you just the way you are."

It's kind of cool that those two tie together in that way. Because you know what that means? That brings us straight back to the Cross.

Yes, Jesus's death on the Cross was enough for my salvation. But more than that, it was the ONLY way to salvation, because I wasn't good enough. And I can't forget that the Cross doesn't make me good enough in the present tense. It means that only Christ was good enough, and only Christ will ever be good enough, and that's why I have to keep clinging to Him. He is my salvation. He doesn't enable me to be good enough to be saved; He IS my salvation.

The last piece of that I'm trying to figure out is still, why try? My salvation IS still secure and still not dependent upon my works. But when I remember the Cross and why that's the only way my salvation is secure, the trying to be a better Christian bit arises out of the humility that the Cross brings.

Think about it. When you wrong somebody, and you have a truly repentant heart, and you come to them in humility to ask for forgiveness, and they tell you they've already forgiven you, you don't walk away going, "Whew! Glad I don't have to keep up that humble act!" No, if you're truly humbled and repentant, the love you realize is behind their forgiveness, you walk away even humbler, wanting, instead of brushing it all off, to do better in that relationship. Because the love you realize is behind their act of forgiveness is what leads you that direction.

That's what it's like with God when you remember the answer to "Why the Cross?" The love behind His act of forgiveness is what leads you to further humility and desire to please Him, thus leading to greater Christlikeness.

-Stephanie

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