I�ve regained confidence in God. I lost it because of Nate and that whole chaotic situation. Now I know that He knows best again. Although it�s a shallow faith... But Jesus said that faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. I hope I move mountains with my small mustard seed faith.

It�s still so iffy because of fear. I know what my mom said is right: Nate and I need to not have such deep conversations and so many. I wish I knew how to tell him, though, because I am the one who made everything all serious. That was a dumb move, and I don�t like being wrong. I�m afraid he will rub it in in a caring but I-told-you-so manner. I feel bad enough as it is! :( I feel really, really stupid. I told my mom that. She said, �You�re not stupid. You just can�t think straight through your emotions.� I know she�s right, but I still feel stupid.

LOL. And that�s what this whole thing has been about. Feelings. And not listening to them!

There�s a conversation I had with God the other day in my prayer journal where we started chatting about feelings/emotions, and I said at one point, �I�m so confused!!� God said, �Feelings�ll do that to you.�

I gave Him a wry smile. �You WOULD come up with something that makes perfect sense like that!� I said to Him, sighing.

Feelings
Inside my head
I don't know, but I'm thinkin' about You
Understand
'Cause it's so hard to tell You
'Cause You already know
You already know

I lay my life before You
And I'm not getting up
Father, how I adore You
Those words are not enough...

When it's twice as hard to realize that
I'm still trying twice as hard to satisfy
Myself on my own
And I'm still waiting for
Things to change...

-Stephanie

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