What's the most scared you have ever been?

My comment on Jennie Allen's blog today:

I didn�t even use my first name for this post because I�m afraid somebody I know might see this. I�m even scared someone I know is going to recognize who this is by my middle name.

So suffice to say, my husband and I are in the middle of our own �Jumping Scared� time. We don�t make enough money, we don�t live in a big enough place, we aren�t mature enough, and we know nothing about what we�re about to jump into, but we�ve been married for almost 5 years and we�ve come to a place where we don�t want to keep being scared anymore. We�re thinking of starting a family. We have no established local support group. We have very different values than the family we DO live near, and they don�t even know it, so even though they are eager to help, we are very scared about accepting their help, but I don�t know what choice we have. And knowing how little nearby support we have is making me feel so, so alone.

So there are so many things that are scaring me so much I want to cry, and scaring my husband so much he wants to panic sometimes, but we feel driven to have a family, and we have been trying so hard to learn how to take steps and even leaps of faith when we have no visible safety net underneath. And I�ve never been so scared in my life.

I very much want a way out of this. But 5 years is too long. I'm afraid if we wait longer, we never will. I'm also afraid if we wait longer, I might have babies with birth defects...Even though I'm only 27. I'm also afraid, if we wait longer, that I won't be able to be as good of a parent because I won't have as much energy. Stephen's more worried about that than I am--he's 32, going to be 33 this year.

But how are we going to do this? I have nobody to talk to. Nobody.

-Stephanie

(For clarity....We aren't off birth control yet, but we hope to be soon after we move.)

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