Some things I just can't even share on Facebook.

Jessica found out last week (has it only been that long?) that she has ovarian cancer.

She's having surgery on Tuesday. A full hysterectomy.

Of course, I want people to pray for her. But she's one of my best friends. And I think it's affecting me so much that I can't even open up about it yet, because admitting what's going on would be admitting it to myself too.

I haven't seen her since her diagnosis, which is just awful. First, I was sick. Now she's laying low so that they don't get any germs that would jeopardize the surgery (which I totally understand and support). I have texted her a few times and it's good to "hear" from her when she writes back.

But this really sucks overall.

I did share about it in one of my favorite Facebook prayer groups. I haven't even told my family yet.

Yesterday, Stephen asked me, "Would it be harder or easier if it were Elizabeth instead of Jessica?"

Gosh, even the thought.

I think it would be harder, because I (and she) just lost her dad last September. (He passed away from COVID complications. He had just turned 60. It still doesn't seem real sometimes.)

Ten or so years ago, we were attending "Pleasantville" church and I was part of a Bible study with our assistant pastor's wife, Clare. Her friend Dawn also attended. Dawn was in her early 40s. Over the course of the Bible study, Dawn found out she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Five years later, it took her life.

So when I heard it was ovarian cancer for Jess, my thought was, "She's got 5 years left."

Of course, I will not tell her that. But it has made grappling with this reality different for me.

I've never been through this with a friend of my own before.

In roughly the same time period as Dawn's diagnosis and battle, another woman (Holly) at that same church developed and died from ovarian cancer. She was older, in her 50s or 60s, and was a breast cancer survivor. I just finished reading her CaringBridge blog, from start to finish. I learned a LOT about what a cancer fight looks like. Holly said that people sending her Bible verses was one of the really helpful things. Also visits/company on her good days and talking about anything but cancer. :) I can definitely do those two things.

So... Five years. Hmm. I'm glad I have some time. Still waiting on sort of a revelation of how this is actually going to look.

Love you, Jess.

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