(A letter I wrote to Nate that I will probably not send.)

Dear Angel,

How do you like your nickname? You always called me your Blue Eyes. Well, you're my angel, my sweetheart. I came up with silly names--Romeo and Prince Charming. Those are good for goofy times. But Angel and Sweetheart are the nicknames I call you in my mind. Always been afraid to say them out loud. Terms of endearment are sometimes just as bad as the dangerous word. :)

But here I am, trying to win you back by using those words.

Yes, I'm trying to win you back. Isn't it ridiculous? Why is life so full of irony? Why, now that you have finally pulled away, have I forfeited all my former ideas of pulling away from you?

Is there still hope? Or do you know?

Will you still be waiting at the end of your driveway for me?

(Change of thought.)

Can you forget anything I've promised you?

Can we pull away without tons of pain?

I don't know if we can. I will still remember your promises to always be love me, to always wait for me, to always be there to "catch me when I fall."

You'll always remember my "two-year contract", my poems, my promises of still staying friends.

There's no doubt. There will be pain if we pull away completely, to the point of no more calls, no visits. We gave a lot of ourselves to each other.

But if that's the way it has to be...God's will be done, not ours.

Nate... Now that I think of it. We should dwell on the most positive part of our relationship. You're the boy I helped bring out of darkness and taught valuable life lessons to. I'm the girl who led you back to lighted pathways.

We should focus on that. That way we can say our whole relationship--even to the very end--was focused on God.

Not many people can say that. :)

Love you, Nate, as I always have. A piece of my heart will always be attached to you.

Sincerely,
In Christ,
Stephanie.

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