I think this is the most pain-filled prayer I have ever written.

Dear CJ,

I can't get Chesney out of my head. She doesn't really mean that, does she? She doesn't really mean... God, I don't know what to do about this. I'm sure I'm overreacting, but then again, what else could she possibly mean? "Horizontal positions :)"? That says ONE thing to me, and one thing only! And it's dangerous! God, I don't want her marrying him. I don't even want her dating him if that's all there is to the relationship! But I'd rather have her dating him than marrying him. At least dating isn't supposed to be permanent.

Father. I just don't know what to think. I didn't think Chesney would be that way. I mean, it's likely, considering her looks and his looks--but still, I didn't expect her to be that way! That shocks me and it inflames me. How could she be that way?

But then again, how could ------ be the way she is?

How could I be the way I am?

Sex is prevalent in this world. It is everywhere. It... It's impossible to resist, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? You're not there, God. You're not there if the world is the way it is. How could you be? You would set things straight.

God... I�m sorry. I know you love us. I just wish... I just wish it were easier. I wish it were easier to be pure in this wretched world. I just wish the world would end already and You would come and take us back to heaven so we wouldn�t have to deal with this horrible world anymore. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be tainted and dirty. I want to be pure and clean, God!

Give us clean hands,
Give us pure hearts.
Let us not lift our souls to another.

Oh, God, let us be
A generation that seeks,
That seeks Your face,
O God of Jacob.

Forever,
Stephanie

(CJ=Christ Jesus)

Tree at my window, window tree,
My sash is lowered when night comes on;
But let there never be curtain drawn
Between you and me.

Vague dream-head lifted out of the ground,
And thing next most diffuse to cloud,
Not all your light tongues talking aloud
Could be profound.

But tree, I have seen you taken and tossed,
And if you have seen me when I slept,
You have seen me when I was taken and swept
And all but lost.

That day she put our heads together,
Fate had her imagination about her,
Your head so much concerned with outer,
Mine with inner, weather.

-Robert Frost

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023