Hmm... I feel rather like I've been living in an elevator: up and down.

Sorry, I'm just trying to come up with good analogies. That one was pretty sad. :)

Today I went to the zoo with Kevin, my roommates, and a few other friends: Natalyia, Ryan, Erik and Kendra. It was really fun. There were a lot of good jokes, mostly provided by Erik, who has a great sense of humor. :) A lot of the animals were in warmer zoos elsewhere (it snowed the other day), but we saw quite a few, including PENGUINS. :D After the zoo, Ryan, Natalyia, Erik and Kendra left. Amy, Kevin, Rebecca and I went to dinner and then to Kevin's grandma's house to kill time and finally to a coffeehouse to see some of our friends who were playing there tonight. I was feeling pretty good. I'd treated Kevin pretty civilly and was beginning to think maybe we might get to be friends again.

And then at the coffeehouse that changed. He sat on a couch with Amy and talked with her the whole night. They've been good friends for a long time--I think I've mentioned that before--and Amy's a lot smarter than me and would never fall for Kevin. But I still got jealous.

I haven't been down that path for 4 or 5 years.

It wasn't bad, but it was definitely there. I had to get up and just go. And then some of our other friends came after the first set to hear the group and Kevin got up and talked to them. The one line I heard was, "We're going to have to have another DTR in about a month." (DTR=Define the Relationship.) He was right near me and speaking in a normal voice, so I knew he wasn't talking about me. It burned like a hot poker or something. Made me mad and hurt at the same time. I was right there. Can we spell "insensitive"?

Anyway. I had to go outside after that. It was freezing, freezing cold (it didn't get above 27 today and it was 9:30 at night by then), but I stayed out there as long as I could because I just didn't want to go back in. When I finally did, I stood a ways apart from the group, leaning against a doorway. This guy came up and stood against the other side of the doorway. He was young. Good looking. I thought I should talk to him since we were in such close proximity to each other, but I couldn't think what to say. He started the conversation instead. He was definitely hitting on me. He paid me several compliments--some of which I didn't catch until a few minutes had passed (cringe!!) because the music was so loud--and weirded me out a little, but he wasn't socially awkward. Quite smooth. I remember wondering if he'd hit on a lot of girls.

I found out several things about him. He's a freshman at BSU, but should be a sophomore. Nineteen years old. Likes rafting. Didn't get along with choir people in high school. Wears glasses. Majoring in law. Has one sister, older than him. Is from Orange County, CA (the city). Likes to stay close to family. His grandma lives here, and I think he said his family moved up here, too. Just moved out of the apartment he was in because he wasn't getting along with his roommates. Rents from a couple of guys. Was a regular at that coffee shop. Just got out of a four-year relationship (geez, at 19?). The coffeehouse is kind of his safe haven, because he never took his girlfriend there while they were going out. Didn't really know where my school was, LOL. Hadn't been in to the town except on the outskirts. Was in a lot of varsity sports in high school, including soccer and hockey. Yeah, I learned quite a bit about him. He learned some things about me. I told him where I was from, what my major was, that I was in jazz choir in high school (and loved it), was not in sports, liked reading and indoor things, was a junior, have a sister younger than me, would be 21 next month, went to a Nazarene church and go to a Nazarene school... I think that's all. His name was Oz. Yes, seriously. Might be short for something. He had a very firm handshake (confident in himself, obviously). He wore a gray scarf. I didn't really notice the rest of his clothes, except that whatever he was wearing on top (a fleece jacket?) was white. Oh, and I think he was wearing blue jeans. His hair was dark. My roommate thought he looked Latino, but if he is, he's more Spanish than Mexican. His skin was light.

Anyway. That was a very random encounter. But he was good looking. :)

We left soon after that. I was amazed at how quickly he said goodbye. He didn't ask for my phone number or anything. I was SO GLAD, because I wouldn't have known what to do or say. Kinda cool... I'm attractive after all! Of course, he wasn't wearing his glasses, LOL.

In the car on the way back to NNU, Kevin and Amy talked the whole time again. Normal. I didn't feel anything bad, because I was sort of in on it, too, since we were all in a car together. But as their conversation turned to relationships (it always does with Kevin), I wished I wasn't in on it:

"I always end up with small, short girls. There was (name), (name), (name) and now Chris."

Chris.

The girl he went after about a week after she broke up with her boyfriend and less than a week after he ended things with me.

JERKFACE!

I was sooooo mad the rest of the trip home. I wanted to say something so bad. Something sarcastic. Something mean. I thought of a lot of mean things, but luckily I just kept my mouth shut and vented to Rebecca in a voice barely above a whisper. I love my roommate. She watched me have a mini temper tantrum in the backseat of the car, and she did something I thought was really funny. She pretended to thwack Kevin right across the back of the head. I don't know if Amy saw that or not, but Kevin didn't notice. I started giggling and I whispered, "I love you!" and "Rebecca, you're awesome" to my roommate. Kevin and Amy did notice us giggling. I think Amy may have known what was going on, but Kevin thought we were laughing at some things they had said.

I knew exactly what I wanted to say when we three girls got back to our dorm: "I HATE MEN!" When we got there, I didn't shout it like originally planned, but I did say it and went around putting things away with passion for a while (yeah, I clean when I'm angry). I had to vent to Rebecca quite a bit. I hope she didn't mind too much.

Amy asked me, "Did you not have a very good night tonight?" in that "Awww, poor ba-byyy" (but not really demeaningly; more sympathetic-but-I-still-think-you're-overreacting) voice.

"It was fine until he started talking about Chri-is." I said her name in a whiny, high, mocking voice. But with only half the fire you'd expect... I'm not that vengeful.

"Oh! But didn't you hear? He's ending things with her," said Amy in an a-tad-surprised-but-I-still-think-you're-overreacting voice.

That stopped me in my tracks.

He was?

It took me a minute to absorb this. And then I said, "Huh. Well, he's pretty good at ending things. Not so good at keeping them." Kind of like when Darcy says, "Mr. Wickham is blessed with such happy manners, he's sure of making friends. Whether he's capable of retaining them is less certain." :) Love that movie...

Anyway. So I've forgiven him...again...for the present. But STILL.

Boys are frustrating sometimes. This one certainly is.

But now it's time to go to bed. I have church in the morning. With guess who. Let's hope he teaches kids' Sunday school tomorrow and won't be in our Sunday school class.

I'm going to listen really hard to God tomorrow. Maybe He'll have something to say about this.

-Stephanie

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