A girl from my school wrote a blog wondering about whether or not there is ONE person out there for you to marry. I have thought good and hard about this since coming to NNU. Well, since dating Nate, really. And here is the philosophy I have come up with on that, for your reading enjoyment. ;)

I think the notion that there is one person out there who fits you perfectly is false. The differences between people are infinite. There are probably only a certain number of different basic individual personality types (for example, introverted or extroverted), but because of the environments we grew up in--not only the country, state, and town, but also the time frame and the state of the world in that time frame--there are an infinite number of little nuances and tiny differences between people. For example, me and Sarah could be exactly the same personality type, but because she grew up in a completely different environment than me in terms of location, background AND time, we have developed our personalities differently.

That said... Say your personality is made up of factors A, B, C, D, E, F, G and H. When looking for a mate, you may see that one person has factors A, B, C, D and E in common with you, but not F, G and H; the rest of their personality includes factors T, V and W. Another person may have factors B, C, D and H in common with you, but not factors A, E, F and G; the rest of their personality includes factors W, X, Y and Z. But your personality could work with either Person #1 or Person #2. Your strengths and weaknesses could balance out each other. Neither person is better for you than the other. Love and marriage are about deciding and committing to making your personalities work together.

There's kind of another factor to throw into this. I still haven't totally sorted out this part of it, so please don't go banging inconsistencies over my head... It's easy to say that a person with personality factors T, V, W, X, Y and Z would be completely wrong for you. BUT. Say you meet someone whose personality factors are B, C, D, H, S, W, X, and Y. On the surface it might look like this person's personality could work with yours, if you both just commit to working through your differences. But because of that factor S in there, you can't make it work. Let's say S is a factor that will change with time--immaturity of whatever kind. But, as long as S is a factor in their personality, it will not work for the two of you.

Let's say S will change to Z with time. So after a disastrous relationship with someone whose personality is B, C, D, H, S, W, X and Y, you meet someone new whose personality is B, C, D, H, W, X, Y and Z (Person #2 from above, if you didn't catch that :) ). At first glance, this person looks JUST like the one from your previous relationship--minus the S factor. But, as you get to know them better, you realize that the S factor is missing and has been replaced by the Z factor. And you realize that you have some things in common with this person. There are some differences... But you see that you can work through those differences. And once again, the S factor is missing. It's perfect.

Not perfect in the sense that this person is a perfect person. Not perfect in the sense that they have absolutely everything in common with you. Not even perfect solely because your strengths and weaknesses match up and balance out. But that factor plus the timing is right. That makes it perfect.

It's basically like algebra. I am not a math major, but I always liked solving for x in algebra. It was a frustrating experience searching for x, but once you found it and dropped it in, it was equivalent to getting the right combination on a slot machine. It fit. It worked. It was right. I loved that feeling.

Before I take that analogy too far: if you think you're never going to find that one person, try to look at things the way I've laid out here. It comes back to patience and trust. Don't get discouraged, but try to be patient and trust.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promises, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you..." 2 Peter 3:9

-Stephanie

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