Okay, so Steve and I had a talk yesterday. Yay. :) NOW we're on the same page. I kinda messed everything up by jumping to conclusions--imagine that! It's not like I have a history of that or anything... Ahem, ahem... LOL. Good heavens... Anyway, I jumped to the conclusion that he was getting caught up in it all and going to propose over Thanksgiving or Christmas break. LITTLE too fast for me!

So we talked yesterday afternoon. I told him--well, first I told him I would say yes if he proposed, which my roommate pointed out to me later was kind of a silly thing to do, 'cause it takes the excitement out of it for the guy. ::cringe:: DANG IT. But anyway, I also told him that I'd like to make it at least to February, and that I wished he had talked to me a little more before going to my mom. And he told me that he was kind of old-fashioned, having grown up in a church that hugely promoted courtship over dating, and had this mindset that he should talk to the parent before talking to the girl. So I was like....Crap. Shoulda talked about this. Because I thought it needed to be certain where the girl was at before going to the mom (or, dad usually, but he's not a part of my life)...Urgh. Embarrassed.

Anyway, other than that, he gave me absolutely no reaction, no clue as to what he was thinking or feeling, no assurance to me, no hint as to where he was at--whether he'd been thinking of proposing this weekend or over Christmas break. Grr. So I was kind of freaked out for two or three hours, not knowing whether he had understood and accepted what I said or anything... Oh, and I found out I wasn't supposed to have known about Steve meeting with Mom, which made me feel awful too. :S So I was kind of a mess for two, three hours, but I finally got a message from him on Facebook that really really really helped. (I had changed my Facebook status to, "Stephanie is NOT feeling very good about herself but it's gonna be okay.")

He wrote:

"I love you very much. You have nothing to be ashamed of or beat your self up about. I am sorry for not telling you of my intentions earlier. And I am sorry if I have rushed things at all. I told you once that you have as much time as you need, and that promise remains the same. I will wait for you to be ready because you, my love, are worth waiting for. I must say I am very happy to hear you say that you intend on saying yes when I do ask :D"

The last part made me blush like crazy, 'cause of what my roommate had said: "You're not supposed to tell him you're gonna say yes!!" Rawr. But at least he seemed okay with it. BLUSH!! Oy...

Anyway, so after that I was way more at peace. And when we talked later he reassured me that I had all the time in the world, and just to let him know when I was ready. THANK GOODNESS.

We talked for 5 hours last night. Longest we have ever talked, wow. :D I was very awake and talkative because I'd taken a nap at 6, LOL, and thankfully he was pretty awake too. :)

It was sooooooooo cool and fun and great to talk about marriage for real, between us two, without all the ickyness of that not-sure-if-this-is-okay feeling! :D :D :D :D We talked a little about premarital counseling and other stuff that we should probably at least be starting to think about, and it was just wonderful! I was sooooooo happy even at the end of the conversation, after 2 in the morning, and I didn't get to sleep till after 3, heehee.

I don't even know how to end this--except that God is absolutely incredible and amazing. I cannot stop thanking him for everything he has done in the last 6 months--and even all our lives! Just...wow. Wow, wow, wow. :) THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

-Stephanie

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