Once again Stephen and I have made it through a conflict.

It was faith-based again. I've realized that the reason we get into "fights" (tense conversations, really) is not so much his Calvinist vs. my Wesleyan upbringing, but the conflict between his being so sure that there are answers and me being so sure there aren't any.

Last night we got onto that subject again and it turned messy, and neither of us went to bed particularly satisfied with the resolution. I knew I needed to sleep on it. Some couples make a rule based on Ephesians 4:26: "Do not let the sun go down on your anger"--a rule to resolve conflict before going to bed. Maybe we'll be able to do that after we're married, but right now, conflicts are very difficult to resolve over the phone, so we often go to bed with conflicts unresolved. But they usually get resolved the next day.

So, we said good night and I went to bed. I managed to get up for church this morning, which I rarely do. I always go to Sunday School, which is at 11:00, but I rarely make it to the 9:00 church service. Today I went, and I'm glad I did. It gave me think time. I wrote out my feelings about our conflict and that began to soften my heart and see that there might be an end to this. We sang "When I Survey/O the Wonderful Cross," and that helped.

When I survey the wond'rous Cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride.

I have a bit of a pride problem when it comes to conflicts with Stephen.

In Sunday School, there were only about 12 of us there, total, which is unusually small. But in the small group I felt comfortable enough to ask for prayer for these conflicts between Stephen and I. It's nice to know that I have that prayer support... I love my Sunday School class.

After church, I went to lunch with my aunt and my little cousin and my mom. We went to Panda Express, so we got fortune cookies after our meal. Mine said something along the lines of "Your partner will help you get ahead." I joked, "Oh, it must be talking about Stephen helping me practice job interviews this summer." Mom read hers and showed it to me, and then my little cousin pipes up. Holding her fortune out to me, she says, "I think this one's yours."

I take it and look at it:

"Don't dwell on the differences between you and your loved one - try a compromise."

My cousin, in her 10-year-old brain, had probably only thought it belonged to me because "loved one" seemed to imply a boyfriend, and I've got one. But after everything this weekend, the words meant a lot, lot more to me. I nearly started crying. I showed it to my mom and aunt and explained. "Maybe it's from God," said my aunt, half-jokingly.

Maybe it was.

So I called Stephen today and we talked through our differences, and I think he's realized something now that'll help. He told me when he was going through his serious questioning time at age 13, he just learned to be at peace with his questions, even without the answers. And shortly thereafter, he says, God gave him the answers. He said maybe that's just where I need to be: at peace with my questions.

Almost crying again in relief, I said, "That's where I've been all this time!!" It's true. I've been at peace with my questions. I ask them a lot, sure, but I've been at peace with them. And he never realized this and tried to answer them, thinking that would bring me to peace, and actually it did just the opposite. Hm.

So we're moving forward still. Yay. :) Maybe we'll make it after all.

And it is TIME to GO to BED! :)

Good night all,
Stephanie

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023