Completely freaked out.

I sure hope I'm doing the right thing.

So we arranged a dinner with Darcey on the 2nd of October at 6:00 p.m. (It's good for me to write down all these details.) I am so freaked out. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

I was really awkward and shy on the phone this time. I wasn't yesterday. But I was this time, 'cause of my own insecurities. I said something kind of stupid yesterday and haven't forgiven myself for it yet. I know God's bigger than our faux pas. At least I think He is. I mean He ought to be, He's bigger in every other way... But sometimes it's really hard to remember that when you've said something stupid.

Dear Lord, please let our plans go smoothly. I'm sorry I didn't look for your guidance more on the date; if it needs to be later in the month, please make that clear and help me to handle the change in plans well. Please work through this broken vessel, God. Please help me remember why we're doing this. You guided us this direction, Lord, and we're following in your footsteps. Please bless our conversations with Darcey. Bless us with comfortable-ness with each other so that she can feel at home. Lord, Your will be done.

When I see her again, I know I'll remember. We have similar style and taste and I really can relate to this girl. It's too bad she won't be at church on Sunday. :/ Lord, bring her safely home.

Whew. I feel a bit better, remembering that stuff. Thank goodness!

...And crying to Stephen helped, too. That wasn't about Darcey, though. My heart breaks for my coworker and friend. She's trying so, so hard to be a good parent, to put her trust in God... She's ready to break at the slightest thing. And I KNOW this, I've heard the stories! :) But she's so ready to be done surviving. I want it for her as much as she does. I've been there before--I just can't remember how I got from surviving to living.

It's great that she's so open to talking to people. She will get past this. And I will be there for her as best I can. Your will be done, O Lord.

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