Geez, if this isn't annoying! I don't think I like being new at this online diary stuff... Everyone has all these cool links in their diaries, like to poems they've written and stuff, and they all have these cool fonts and colors and stuff.... Does that come only if you're a gold member?? Because I really don't want to make my grandparents pay extra for something stupid like this for me. Even if it IS only "a few bucks a month." Yeah, and just how many is a few...? $2? $3? Or more like $14 or $25?? I'd ask Becky, but I ask her a LOT and sometimes it can get confusing trying to have her explain html stuff to me... LOL!

Well, anywayz.... Going on to other things.

Geez. I just read Becky's reviews on her diaries... At first I thought I'd like to sign up for reviews, but after reading those, I was scared to death! More particularly on the Content and Bonus sections. Eeek! I don't even know how to get extras on here! But then several said the entries could be monotonous and the rambling can get confusing.... And I wondered, then, if mine are too emotional/melodramtic and if they are extremely confusing, because I ramble a lot!

I have nothing to write right now. :P Justin's gone away for the summer, so nothing is going on with him and Beth. I guess I could write about her, though. There's been some things pressing on my mind about her.

She didn't come to the sleep over with all the girls in the youth group yesterday, and I have been wondering why a lot.... But at the same time I am very glad she didn't come. I don't think I can face her at this point in time... I don't know why. I think it's because Justin's gone.... And that note that Beth gave me at the start of the year talking about how they wrote back and forth last summer while he was gone. And the way he ends his letters.... I can't think of a better analogy of how it makes me feel, so I'm sorry this is so cliche-ish: Every time I think of what she told me that he ends his letters with, it's like a whole new knife tearing into my heart, sharper than the ones before. It hurts.

As many times as I try, as many times as people tell me I am crazy when I tell them this, I can't get the thought of them getting married to get out of my mind. They are so close. That's what hurts the most, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to figure out why that is at all! It's crazy.

Yeah, so anyway.... With the thought of Beth and Justin writing each other so many letters while he is away pressing my mind, I can't get myself to face her with a positive attitude right now. That's why I'm glad she couldn't come to the sleep over last night. I probably would've started crying sometime, or just going off by myself when I couldn't take being near her anymore.

The worst part of all of this Justin-Beth stuff is how far it is taking me away from God. I'm getting lost.... :'(

This is quite the depressing entry... I apologize for ruining anyone's day. :T Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

-Stephanie