There is a movement going on of people deciding not to have children. I'm not here right now to argue whether that choice is right or wrong, but I do want to bring some clarity to one line of reasoning that people frequently use when justifying their desire to not have children. What I frequently hear is, "I'm too messed up to have children; to have them would be selfish!"

Choosing not to have children because you think you are too messed up and could not do a good job of raising healthy children shows a misunderstanding of three different things, two directly related to the Gospel: 1) your true sinfulness, 2) God's incredible power, and 3) the purpose of parenthood (or any relationship--or anything for that matter).

First point. Thinking that you should not have children until you have "got your stuff figured out" is a misunderstanding of your sinful nature. Your own messed-up problems are not ever something you can fix. The Bible says that we as humans are dead in our sins (Eph. 2:1, Col. 2:13). It doesn't say we're sick and just need a little rest and time and we'll get better. It says we are DEAD. Dead people cannot do anything for themselves. It takes a living God to reach down to a dead person and breathe new life into them. You are incapable of fixing yourself--only God can begin to fix you. And another important point to remember: God fixing you will not happen until you are okay with God fixing you! You have to be okay with letting God change you in order to change.

Second point. Thinking that you should not have children because you are "too messed up" is a misunderstanding of God's incredible power. God is completely capable of working through ANYTHING. If he can raise dead people to life, he is capable of taking children raised up in a broken home and blessing them in such a way that they turn out to be awesome, Christlike, God-worshiping vessels of his grace. I know tons of people that came from broken homes and have turned out to be amazing people, thanks to God's incredible power and ability to turn ANYTHING into good (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28, Philippians 1:6, the story of Saul/Paul).

Third point. The purpose of parenthood, or any relationship for that matter, for those that belong to him, is our refining into holiness. If you have a correct, Biblical understanding of your sinfulness, you will understand that you can never be perfect, ever. You will understand that you make mistakes, lots of them, and sometimes big ones. Herein lies the purpose of parenthood. It is so we can see our mistakes, recognize our sinfulness, return to God, and re-declare our dependence upon him to take our sinful hearts and refine them into a clearer depiction of him. We are also created to depend upon our Creator for EVERYTHING, and there is nothing that illuminates this more clearly than the trials of parenting! Not to us, but to GOD be the glory. That is the purpose of parenthood, or any relationship, or anything.

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