This is an entry about our current drama about birth control.

Lord God, thank you for the beautiful, wonderful last 3 years of silliness I've had under the loving protection of the man you have given me to love me for the rest of my life. Please, if it is needed, help me to say goodbye to all the missed days of silliness from my growing up years and close the door, so that we can move forward in life toward a place of maturity. Bless my husband and I and cause us to desire to grow in maturity at the same time, so that neither of us outpaces the other for long, but we are always able to catch up to the other. Bring us to a place of readiness for parenthood at the same time and bless us when that time comes. We love you, Lord. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

The last 3 days have been very stressful. The long and short of it is that, my doctor, without warning, put a stop to my birth control so that I couldn't refill it anymore, because it is putting me at a higher risk for stroke, and she has not been responding to ANY of the dozens of messages I and our health care institution have sent her. She should not have stopped my prescription without a warning, and we have lodged a formal complaint against her for doing so, as well as for not responding to any of the messages that have been sent to her, and for not doing what she told me she would do, which was refill the prescription for a short time.

Tuesday is when I would be starting my next round of birth control, but as I said, we are still unable to refill the prescription. I have thought, heard about it, and read about it long enough to conclude that I do not want to be on estrogen-containing birth control anymore, but in the meantime, Stephen and I are left floundering as we stare at living for at least a month without hormonal birth control, and that very suddenly. We have an appointment with my doctor November 21 to discuss other non-estrogen-containing birth control options, but in the meantime, unless she refills the prescription for another month, we are relegated to abstinence, condoms, or natural family planning.

This problem has certainly made us look more seriously at the possibility of children. Unfortunately, it has caused us to realize that it would be heartbreaking to lose our time for just each other. We've had so much fun together in the last 3 years, and I have felt as if I've been reclaiming all the lost days of silliness from my growing up years, since I spent them as a slave to rules.

But now I feel a bit as if we've frittered away our time together, focused on just having fun together--which we have, and it has truly been wonderful, some of the best years I have ever had--but at the cost of taking some of our time together to become a mature couple ready to rear up children. And now the thing that has enabled us to live in such a carefree manner has been swept away from us very suddenly, and we have to brake very severely on our "fun" mentality, and braking when we were going full speed is very difficult to know how to do!

So that's why I have that prayer at the top of this entry. We need God to help us brake the "fun" mentality gradually and to help us desire to become more mature and do so at the same pace.

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God has answered at least part of our prayers. We've got a prescription for one more month.

So we have one more month to figure out what to do next--but also one more month of risk of a stroke. I really really really do not want to have a stroke. :(

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