I think I may have just stumbled upon a truth that will help assuage my fear of parenthood.

I've got to make parenthood--or rather, the possibility of parenthood--not about me.

Not about me.

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Dear God, I am not going to lie. This is REALLY DIFFICULT. I thought you had accomplished more on molding my heart, but I can't imagine you are even halfway done shaping me right now for motherhood, because right now all I can think about is how horrible it will be to not have any "me" time once we have a baby! I've had to pack up all my craft supplies and all I can think is, "What am I going to do all day long in this stupid depressing apartment with a BABY depending on me?!!" Oh God, I believe you have called me to be a mother eventually, but I cannot see how you are going to accomplish this anywhere near my mental timeframe!

Oh God...Please keep me from having to share any of this tonight at Bible study. I don't trust them; I have got to keep myself hidden from them until I find somebody I trust...

Sorry for the rawness of this entry. :P Off to the Bible study...

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