Had a rough day yesterday; feeling emotionally damaged today, even though Stephen and I basically made up. He thought I was putting myself too much into Heidi's wedding planning--he thought I was having real boundary problems, and while that's a valid concern, because I've had problems like that in the past, I still don't think it's true this time. Time and time and time again these last two weeks or so, I have sacrificed the part of me that wants nothing more than to tell Heidi what to do when she asks me, "What do you think?", and instead I have put her decision back on her own head and said, "What do YOU think?" It's been far from easy and that's why I know I'm doing it right.

It's true that I've taken liberties sometimes of deciding whether it was worth it to present a venue to Heidi to consider. But I've done that out of discretion and what I think is wisdom. This is a HUGE area and would take months and months to fully research all the options available, and she doesn't have months and months. So I wanted to give her valid options to sift through, but not so many that she gets drastically overwhelmed with too many choices, which I know is a distinct possibility.

Anyway. Last I spoke with her I think she's doing okay on the decision making front, which makes me very glad. I hope my options are helpful but I also hope the decision is wholly her own. I told her that yesterday in a message with my last option I presented to her, and I think I did a good job of it.

Part of the reason things went sour with Stephen (and with planning stress at all) yesterday is because I didn't do my devotions. I tell you, Diary, that is the single common denominator of ALL my bad days. Whenever I'm getting wrapped way too tight around the axle about something, I stop and ask myself, "Did I do my devotions this morning?" The answer is always no. It's the craziest thing. Actually, it isn't all that crazy at all, given how many times I have heard over the course of my life, "Do your devotions! Have personal one-on-one time with God!" But I never expected it to actually make such a visible difference in my life. It still astonishes me two years later.

Anyway, the other reason I'm messed up is because we watched the last episode of Sherlock (on Netflix) last night and I cried. Does it annoy you when you know something terrible is going to happen and you cry anyway? LOL. That always annoys me so much about myself. But man, what a good show! The acting was just superb.

'K....I thought I had a real reason to write today, but I guess it was just to ramble about life right now. :P Sometimes it just helps to write down stuff, no matter how trivial it seems.

Things I Need to Do Today:
-post office package
-book at library
-pick up letter of recommendation
-resume to florists
-make dinner plans (yikes! I've got nada!)

Is that it? There has to be more. :P Darn memory. I need to write down to-dos more so I can remember them.

Things I Got Done (or had Stephen do):
-call Grandma Ball
-oil change
-car wash

Things I Need to Do Later/At Some Point:
-spark plugs for car
-tire changeover
-BUNCO night Jan. 19th
-Stephen's work "ball" Feb. 2nd
-MMT retreat Feb. 19th
-Flowers with Heidi's mom
-Dentist appointments (crown, fillings, cleaning)
-Research apartments for us

Okay, there. That helps. When I have all these things floating around in my head, it confuses me and I can't remember any of them or whether I got them done. Now they are obvious and visible and I feel like I can go accomplish my "Today" list.

-Stephanie

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