"Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you." Matt. 7:6

Never thought this verse would say so much to me.

That's what I've been doing with my sister, I think. I'm not trying to insult her by calling her names, but what I realize now that I threw my "pearls" before her Christmas morning and she, not knowing any better, trampled them. She isn't ready for what I was offering yet.

The other verse for today was, "Get rid of all bitterness, range and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice," (Eph. 4:31) and together they were just the double-barreled message I needed. I just have to forgive her, and move on.

She wasn't ready for that. She didn't even recognize them as pearls; she just thought I was pelting rocks at her. She doesn't know I've changed.

And she won't know, ever, until she sees me more frequently, which may not ever happen, even after her time with the Marines ends (this December). That's why I just have to separate myself from her just a little bit more so I can move on. I never used to be okay with that idea, but the older I get, the more it makes sense.

A week or two ago I felt like those 2 years I spent thinking only the best of her were totally, utterly wasted. Today I understand that they weren't. It may have been wasted on her for the time being, but it wasn't wasted on me. I do believe better of her now. I see better things about her. I know what the kernel of goodness inside her looks like, and I can even vaguely see how she might look perfected, and I hope for her to that end. I hope one day to see her perfected like my mind dimly sees.

Anyway. I'm thankful for my husband, who listens and understands and translates me. I'm thankful for God, who gives me, although I fight it at first, a spirit that humbles itself and understands eventually that there are bigger things happening. I still pray that God will bring healing to me and my family. I thank Him for knowing exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. Thank you, God.

-Stephanie

One final thought. I'm beginning to understand how Christians feel when they try to witness to their nonChristian family members. I'm beginning to understand what Jesus meant when he said, "A prophet is not welcome in his hometown." (Luke 4) I'm beginning to understand that it is normal for this to be so hard. They're just too close.

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