Well, two posts today it is. This is a journal post; the last one was a rambling update post.

Anxiety. I've been steadily gaining weight since late January and now I'm 13 lbs above what I ought to be and 8 lbs above what I normally am. It's freaking me out because I don't feel like I've done anything different, other than started working out once a week and then working full-time for a week. I know a little weight-gain is normal when you're building muscle, but steadily 8 lbs in roughly a month? That can't be right. And I had my usual cycle in there, so it isn't because I'm pregnant. (I don't think women gain that much in the first month anyway, especially in a first pregnancy.)

The first thing that comes to mind is that I've been very stressed for the last month or two, due to Heidi's wedding/marriage preparations. The stress has been enough that I remember several moments where I thought, I shouldn't eat this. Oh, I don't care; I have way too much else to worry about. Work was the same. I ate too many blonde brownies and I knew I was eating too many, but I had so much else on my mind and there were no other snacks. :/

And then my birthday came with cheesecake, and then this weekend came with ice cream and homemade cinnamon rolls. What a disastrous couple of weeks it has been for food!

Anyway...I want to get back to "life as usual," because I have more control over my eating/exercising/resting habits then, but that just isn't going to happen until after Heidi is married this week. :/ I do not like feeling this out of control of my life and this guilty for what I've been eating...

Six more days. Six more days. Six more days. Six more days I have to tolerate this, and then her wedding and marriage-readying won't be my problem anymore. I just gotta keep telling myself that.

-Stephanie

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