I am really, really off today. :( I just feel like crying.

I canceled Zumba on my mom today after torturing myself with the decision for 1/2 an hour. I just. Don't. Feel like it. And that is a lousy reason to not have a hang-out time with my mom.

But lately it hasn't been a hang-out time. Lately we haven't even walked down, which gives us 10 minutes to talk there and back. We've driven instead. And lately I think both of us are not enjoying it anyway like we used to. I don't like going through phases. Why can't I be one of those people that finds something she enjoys and does it forever and never ceases enjoying it?

And lately I've been feeling starved of quality time with my mom. But lately I've also been feeling like we are worlds apart. I have no idea where my mom's heart is at with Christ. I don't feel like she is in open rebellion against him, but I don't feel like she is following him, either. That's not a change from anything she was before, but I know I have changed so much, to where Christ is more important to me than anything. And that makes it so hard to talk with Mom about anything meaningful. Not that we had meaningful discussions about God before--but it felt like we had more meaningful discussions at least.

I invited her to a craft fair that is going on April 9-13, but even that doesn't feel like it will fill this void I've been feeling about her lately. I hope I'm wrong. Something has just got to give here.

So anyway, after texting my mom that I felt like I needed to spend time with her, I just sat down and cried for a few minutes. So unlike me. That's why I'm having to journal.

I'm not thinking anybody will have any answers, but I thought I might start to come up with a few if I journaled about it.

Just pray for me and my relationship with my mom, that it'll get a new start. I don't to feel this way about her for the rest of my life and the rest of hers.

"Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we forget that they are also growing old."

-Stephanie

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