It's been a difficult couple days. I spent the weekend with Stephen's family, but thinking about my family is where the "difficult" came in. I've realized that I've finally arrived at the place where nothing is more important to me than Christ. And in relating to my family, nothing is more important to me than my mother and sister coming to know Christ. And nothing has seemed more fruitless and futile. I've shed a lot of tears over it and I shed more yesterday.

Stephen reminded me that there is some reason I'm in their lives, and there is some reason I can't ever, ever, ever give up on them, no matter how many times I hit rock bottom and cry to God that it's useless, pointless, and futile. That's the only thing that got me out of major depression about them yesterday.

But I guess God is trying to teach me multiple things at once. Because the project of clearing out our office in order to make room for a future nursery is just getting harder. The Lord has not yet blessed us with the funds for a 3-bedroom, so we really have no choice. But getting rid of my scrapbooking stuff has been so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

I'm reminded of something I heard once. Humans are created to worship. And if we clear out one idol we worship without filling the void with God, we will fill it with things other than God. So I think this means I need to go read my Bible some more, because I feel a huge, aching void right now, and it needs to be filled with the right thing.

Edit: God is good. I am feeling much better after spending some time praying for others and focusing outside of myself for once. Thank You, God, for restoring my peace. Help me be more others-focused in Your name, in Your service. Amen.

-Stephanie

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