Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

Facebook status, prompted by reading silverluna's journal about a friend of hers:

It is so sad when people think Christianity is just about getting an emotional high similar to what you could get from, you know, drugs or an "elevated state of consciousness." Seriously heartbreaking. :((

Life is about SO MUCH MORE than moment-to-moment feelings. I didn't grow up understanding this, but I do now, and now it just wrecks me when I see people making the same mistakes that I did. What kind of life is that? Just pursuing feelings and highs all the time? What kind of life is that, that never, ever, ever brings lasting anything?! I don't understand anymore why people make what is temporal the whole point of their existence.

There's gotta be more to life
Than chasing down every temporary high
To satisfy me...

"And [Jesus] said to them, 'Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.' And he told them a parable, saying, 'The land of a rich man produced plentifully, and he thought to himself, "What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?" And he said, "I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, 'Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.'" But God said to him, "Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?" So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.� Luke 12:14-21

What God says to the rich man, that's how I feel to people who pursue the temporary emotional highs in this life.

*sigh*

I've never posted something so emotional about the state of the world on Facebook before. I think it actually might be a good move... People need to see the passion behind what you believe, not just read about the ideas.

But as I leave it there in all it's emotional rawness, I am still hearing the screaming in my head of my parents' voices telling me that emotional outbursts aren't the mature thing to do and not the way to get attention or convey a point, and nobody knows how to handle them either.

I guess I've never mentioned that scar here.

But that's what I grew up hearing. I guess my mom usually said it, "Grow up!" or "Stop being so serious! Learn to laugh at yourself!" Whereas my grandpa usually just looked like a trapped animal whenever I started crying (which is what I do when I get emotional).

It occurs to me, though, that you always get angry at people for the very things you struggle with. Maybe that's all that was going on with Mom. Not that Mom would ever know that she struggles with immaturity. She's not that self-reflective.

Man, I'm just a bundle of upset emotions today. Hurt, sadness, anger, bitterness. Yeesh... Maybe I just need to go talk to God a bit.

-Stephanie

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