I was told at the wedding Stephen shot the other day that I would make a good "girl Friday." I took it to mean someone who gets things done, because at the time I was instructing the wedding guests which direction to go, even though I was there just as "the photographer's wife."

Thinking it was a movie reference, I checked out "My Girl Friday" from the library. But after watching it, it made no sense to me why the elderly gentleman would've been referencing that movie in particular. So I decided to do what I should've done in the first place, which is consult the Internet. I went to UrbanDictionary.com first, and the definition there pretty much nails what I thought he was speaking of: "A 'go to' girl; a female who will help you get things taken care of; a female you can rely on when you are in need of extra assistance; a female who acts as a 'jack of all trades' and is capable of doing almost anything; a girl you can count on when you are overwhelmed with your own chores and the duties must be done; a girl who does most of the leg work on a project, but never takes (or gets) credit." That sounded EXACTLY like me, all the way down to the "never takes (or gets) credit."

I don't want to make this into a pity story or a selfish rant, but reading the truth that I do everything and never get any credit for it put an obnoxious grain of sand in my initial pleasant reaction to the definition. I thought of Heidi's wedding and how I was forced to do so much for her and how it stressed the living daylights out of me.

And I say "forced to," but was I really? She wasn't giving me orders. I put them on myself.

But I feel like I "had to" because she wasn't going to get a nice wedding in 2 months' time without my help. Or so I imagined, because of her characteristic supreme indecisiveness and naivete about wedding planning.

Sigh. It was that 2 months thing, and the fact that she wanted to get married cheaply, in FEBRUARY. That's what put me over the edge.

Dear Diary, I'm glad I'm in the floral business and not in event planning business. I would surely kill someone.

Now what's getting me down about Heidi (sorry, I'm all over the place here) is that she wants to hang out with me again, but I'm tired of not knowing how to talk to her. I desired them to get married quickly and now I'm having a hard time believing he's worth it at all. Which is why I need to see BOTH of them, to remind myself that Alex is not as bad as I imagine. But if I hang out with Heidi alone, I'm sure to hear of Alex's latest stupidities toward her that just make me so angry with him.

But the other thing is, I'm tired of being hostess all the time, and they never reciprocate. It isn't because they don't like us or because they don't want to; it's because they are honestly clueless about the politeness "rule" of reciprocating an invitation, plus they are confused because we've been doing our best to not have expectations of them. But it is still bothering me nonetheless.

And what bothers me most about that is that Heidi's mom is all about politeness rules completely detached from any kind of genuine love. (At least she seems to be from what I've seen and what Heidi has said of her.) And that bothers me, too, because I feel like I'm just being her mom. But I'm not. I genuinely love her AND I would really appreciate it if she and Alex would take responsibility in this couple-to-couple friendship sometimes.

And all of this just leads my mind straight back to the start--"They're young, they're immature, they're naive, they're just learning how to be a couple together..." All these excuses for them that just keep rolling back around to front and center. I know they aren't just excuses; they're quite true. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with them being true AND all the other troubles on top of that.

Lord, help me. :( Why can't I just love people the way You do?

-Stephanie

Know what else is getting me down? Today I'm spending the 4th of July alone because Stephen is working and I don't know how to hang out with my family anymore.

Why is life doing this to me right now? :(

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023