I really really really really really wish I could skip this whole week.

I'm coming to a place where I'm deciding I never want to do Christmas at a flower shop again.

My mom's birthday is the 15th of December and we always do a small little party for her (that was this last Sunday).

My husband's birthday is a week after Mom's, the 22nd of December, and I want to do something special with him (that's next Sunday).

Mom and I aren't going to be in the same place for Christmas this year, so we're trying to do a mini-Christmas together sometime before Christmas (that's next Wednesday).

But I work tomorrow (8:30), Friday (8:00), and Saturday (?), Monday (8:30), and Tuesday (?), and after I get off work Tuesday we're leaving for Stephen's parents' house for Christmas.

THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.

So Stephen's birthday is virtually the only day I have off this week before Christmas. Besides today. And today I was planning on catching up on sleep, but now stress has got me awake and I don't know if I'll ever get back to sleep today. And I was so sleep-deprived and exhausted yesterday at work and I was really hoping I wouldn't have to be like that for the rest of the week, because I was really hoping I could catch up on sleep today.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"I just wanted to make your birthday special, to make up for--" I stopped mid-sentence because I knew if I said one more word I'd lose all self-control and turn into a big blubbery unintelligible mess.

"To make up for this week?" Stephen offered kindly.

I gathered what self-control I had left and said through tears, "To make up for every single birthday ever since the one where we planned a party and nobody could come!" A moment of silence while we both received the depth of my grief over that birthday, which I never had forgiven myself for. Then I continued with the rest of the mess. "I always forget about it because it's Christmas, and I just wanted to do something to make it special this year..." I couldn't even say the last words: And then work happened.

I just wish I could successfully remember for just ONE YEAR to make Stephen's birthday actually special for him.

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