Topic I probably haven't mentioned in here before: To sing/lead worship or not to sing/lead worship in my church.

Singing worship music in a church congregation has been a beloved part of my life since I was very, VERY young. I love to sing worship songs. They help me connect emotionally with God.

The problem comes when I try to do it in front of other people.

I successfully helped lead worship for one or two years in high school in the youth Sunday School alongside my friend Beth.

I never did it before then and I haven't done it since.

The problem comes when it becomes about performance. And the only thing I require for my love of singing to become stamped with the entangling sins of performing is to be up front in front of people with a microphone.

So which entangling sin plagues me when I get up front of people with a mike? The "get a huge head" side or the "become incredibly insecure" side?

Well, both. At the same time.

It used to just be the "become incredibly insecure" side but now I waver more toward the "get a big head" side. It doesn't help that our worship ministry situation has been less than ideal for as long as I've been attending our church. But the minute I got up there and actually sang, I know beyond a doubt that that deeply insecure side would come ROARING back to the surface.

But lately this gal has been helping our worship pastor with worship leading. Her name is Christy and OH MY GOSH. Her voice is AMAZING. And so similar to mine as far as her range and timbre go. Only she's better. Oh my gosh. I could listen to her all day.

And the big-head/deeply insecure part of me keeps wanting to go impress her with my own singing and get into her good graces so she can help me sing like her. *eyeroll*

I don't know why I'm posting this, really. It's just sort of an ongoing behind-the-scenes theme in my head lately. To sing (up front) or not to sing? It especially enters my head on Bible study nights, since our worship pastor started to help us sing worship songs before the study, and then suddenly and unexpectedly dropped out of it.

So anyway... I really need to be doing a million other things today and not journaling. So here I go.

-Stephanie

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