Argh. I am so insecure!

I was doing fine until my boss decided to talk to me about my post-baby employment plans.

It is so hard for me to make a decision one way or the other--to go back after baby, or not?

Why I Don't Want to Quit Forever
1. Because I love my job.
2. Because I love having a job.
3. The extra cash is really nice (although we never want to be at a place where we rely on me having an income).
4. I know they would really prefer not to have to train somebody else all over again.
5. I know they like me.
6. I know I'm useful.
7. I don't want to get rusty with my talents!

#4 is the one that pinches my heart the worst. Have I mentioned that I'm a people-pleaser and I hate to cause anybody trouble or unhappiness in any way??? Argh.

And what really kills me is that I haven't even been there a year. It would make me so proud of myself to say I had a real job consistently for longer than a year! It makes me feel guilty and ashamed to not be able to say that. :(

So I'm so frustrated and insecure. I suppose I should talk to Stephen about it and get my feelings straightened out.

What I told my boss today was that I'd love to stay on through to Mother's Day, but after that I'll probably be quitting for a least 3 months, possibly as long as 6, and after that, I just don't know.

Real firm answer. *eyeroll*

But he seemed to understand and said that's about what he was thinking.

But argh. I wish this were easier.

Definitely need to talk to Stephen tonight; that'll help. Maybe I should also bounce my thoughts off Liz and see what she thinks.

-Stephanie

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