I was talking to Amy online about what I'm nervous about and unexpectedly started journaling to her, LOL. I stopped the conversation short because I realized I could write a whole journal entry on what I'm nervous about! So I decided I'll do that here. :D

As I was telling Amy, I'm more nervous about being a new mom than I am about the birth itself. After taking my childbirth classes, I feel pretty well prepared for birth and I have confidence in my HMO's way of handling birth. They are VERY baby-friendly! I love that.

Right now I'm nervous about our nursery. I got the bedding today, which I am SO excited about, but that means now it's time to paint--and I've never actually painted walls before! At least not for a VERY long time. I think I did once in youth group as a ministry project, but that's it. So I'm already a bundle of nerves plus I have this ridiculous drive that everything has to be "right" (ugh, perfectionism!) and I have no idea what exactly will seem "right" to me. I have a feeling I'm way overthinking everything, LOL, but nevertheless there is this crazy "MUST BE RIGHT" drive for me.

The thing I'm most nervous about is the first few weeks of being a new mom. I'm going to have a really hard time--actually, I already am--grappling with the idea of having to depend on other people. With Stephen it's no big deal, but Stephen's mom is coming to help for the first two weeks, and that's what will be hard for me--figuring out what to have or rather LET her do.

And I have no idea WHAT to do with my mom. I don't know if she wants to help or is expecting me to ask her for help? I'm not sure she had any help when Sam and I were born. She was all the way in Hawaii.

And it suddenly just dawned on me that that's what she meant when she said my dad wouldn't lift a finger to help with Sam and I.

Whoa.

So THAT'S what she has meant all these years! She didn't have her mom to help (I'm guessing), and she thought my dad would come through, but he didn't... WOW. I am so going to have to think about that some more. And ask Mom at some point.

...Anyway.

Stephen is going to be a great help to me, I already know. He's been a great help to me all along. The guy just loves to help the people he loves. :) He's not always good at knowing what to do, LOL, but he has all the motivation and willingness in the world.

6 weeks after baby's due date is when I have heard babies' crying reaches its peak. Stephen's mom will be long gone by then and probably not ready for another trip down, and Stephen will be back at work, but that's when I am going to need the most emotional support.

So that is my biggest worry. Six weeks. Where is my support going to come from. :( I wonder if that's when my mom will come in handy. Or my friends who are also parents (never mind that we'll all be reaching 6 weeks at the same time...But then again, maybe that makes them ideal support!). Or just random friends like Heidi and Savannah and people from church. Hmm... Savannah would be a GREAT option, now that she's embarking upon her own journey to motherhood!! (She's 9 weeks or so pregnant--they told us last week! :D ) Dude. I am totally asking her to come over sometime in early or mid-August! That would work great.

Well, now I've gotten completely distracted, and Stephen will be home soon...So I should probably do something productive. Like start dinner. Or Wii Zumba.

Which reminds me, that's another thing I AM nervous about--getting weight off after baby, and having a hard time with birth because I'm not in shape. Disciplining myself to take care of my body has always been a tough journey for me, and moreso since pregnancy!! :S NO MORE ICE CREAM. Sigh.

-Stephanie

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