I was writing a blog about living with less, and found myself typing a sentence that opened up a whole new avenue of thoughts: "I really like this extra motivation to do laundry when stuff is dirty. It makes me feel less productive and less lazy and worthless."

What I originally wrote was "less like a lazy bum," a phrase I got from my mother, but I suddenly realized how politically incorrect that is. She's referring to homeless people--whether she fully realizes that or not. So I changed it to, "less like a worthless lazy person," but the bug was planted and I quickly realized a whole chain of things. Like the fact that all the times I have called myself "lazy bum" in my mind--which has been too many for me to count--I wasn't so much trying to use it to motivate myself to improve, but I had in fact settled into the phrase as if it were the truest description of who I really was. Instead of motivating me to improve, it was demotivating me. And I got this habit of calling myself "lazy bum" from the times I heard Mom passive-aggressively say it about Sam and I--particularly during the summers when we didn't have school. Somewhere along the line her passive-aggressive attempts to motivate us to improve became demotivating, and then got stuck in my head that way. That's terrible.

It's good to realize these things before I have kids of my own. A while back I read a quote that said, "The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice." It realized instinctively that it was true then, but today, realizing this bit about hearing the phrase "lazy bum," just cements it for me. I hope as my baby grows I will realize other phrases and attitudes I talk to myself in that aren't healthy and take them out of the way I communicate with my son. Because the way I talk to myself becomes the way I communicate with those closest to me--another good thing to realize.

Time to go for a walk in the beautiful sunshine today.

-Stephanie

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023