Wow... I had a really good night tonight. And I didn't even go anywhere.

First, Elizabeth came down to my room, and we talked for, like, 2 hours. It felt sooooo good to get caught up with her, sort of, again. Rebekah came in, too, and we just had a good time, the three of us. :)

Elizabeth left, and I wrote a little bit in my diary about talking to Liz, then went on with other stuff... Thinking, mostly. Listening to Rebekah go on about how her dad had never sent her her graduation gift. She claimed, "I'm not bitter." But I smiled to myself and thought, Yeah. Like I'm not bitter about Nate not calling... The jerk. "The jerk" in my head came out with surprising bitterness. I thought I'd basically moved on, and was just teasing Rebekah in my mind, but it did come out with bitterness.

And then the phone rang.

Rebekah got it, as she always does. I only half-listened to her answer, figuring it wasn't for me, and if it was, probably my aunt Gail. She called a few days ago just as I was going out to dinner, so she said she'd call back later.

"Yeah, just a minute," Rebekah said.

Oh. It was for me? Hm. Who could be calling? I wondered, with a little more thought this time.

"It's for you," Rebekah said. And then she stage-whispered, "It's a guy!"

For about one millisecond it occurred to me that it might be... But I quickly brushed the thought away. Yeah right. After two whole weeks? So I hit "Phone" with little or no concern, put the phone to my ear, and said, "Hello?"

"Hey!" That familiar voice. And upbeat, too!

The strangest change came over me. I wasn't absolutely exhilarated. I wasn't flown to the moon, to use romantic language. I wasn't mad. I wasn't shocked. I wasn't anything... The two weeks of not having heard from him just disappeared behind me, leaving only a vague mist of surprise. The message of a card in the bookstore flashed into my mind: "We're the kind of friends who, no matter how long we've been apart, can pick up right where we left off..."

He said, "Wow, we haven't talked in a while."

I said, "Yeah. Two weeks." Without any pain at all, just this slight feeling of, Wow. Really?

And then the next thing that came to my mind to say to him was, "Hey, I heard the play got postponed!"

As if... Well, like the card said! Everything still the same... Exactly where we left off.

Wow.

We only talked for a few minutes... The whole time I was still trying to take in that he had called. Nate called me? Nate, that boy who scoffed at a dream and said we were growing apart? who said he'd call Saturday and, just as I expected, didn't?

Nate, who hasn't called in two full weeks?

What amazes me most is just as I said--how we picked up exactly where we left off. Of course, I told him how I'd felt the last two weeks... I think my words were, "I thought... 'There's nothing there anymore. It's over.'"

He kind of laughed in disbelief--not mocking disbelief, either, just as if such a thought hadn't even occurred to him! "Yeah right," he said, smiling at the idea, and I wasn't offended. "Me not call the girl I, like, poured my life into?"

Wow.

As you can see--I think some of this has to do with me being really tired (look at the time!!)--I am still trying to take it all in. :) Tomorrow I'll be exhilarated, I betcha... LOL. Tomorrow when I've had enough sleep to be rested and happy, and then I'll remember that he called me. :D

Anyway... I keep getting off subject. Um... Oh yeah! I was going to say, we didn't talk long. He was tired, and had still more stuff to do, and his parents got home and he had to talk to them. Oh, yeah, he got in a car accident. A very minor one, don't worry! :) Anyway, that's what he had to tell his parents about... So, yeah, we talked for like, 20 minutes tops.

When he said he had to go, that's when pain started to seep back in. Just like where we left off! LOL... It kind of hurt more this time, though. It was so... what's the word?... blunt? Abrupt? Kind of like abrupt, but gentler. It was a very short goodbye, I guess, not what I'm used to.

So I can tell we're still not back to quite where we were before, all dewey-eyed over each other and stuff. I don't think we ever will be again... We're still growing apart steadily, I think. But at least it's STEADILY. Not like BAM! it's over, as I thought had happened.

So... Hmm... What do you think? If we're not all crazy and dewey-eyed over each other... but we still call... and we're still good friends... could we migrate toward real love?

LOLOL!!! OKAY, I'll stop!! Gosh, I'm an absolutely hopeless romantic. {grin}

Later, everyone. Have a good night.

Love, Stephanie

Afterthought: This has been a very long entry for one entitled "Speechless." :)

Postscript: Anyone got any good spiritual insights from this? {grin}

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