Isaac: so if you don't mind my asking, what ever happened to the girl that you are witnessing to?
Me: well, I'm still talking to her off and on.
Me: the "quest for truth", as I called it, somehow became my own rather than hers, actually
Isaac: really? how so?
Me: hmm... it's kind of hard to explain. the "answers" I got really didn't seem to answer the questions at all, and it made me realize how little I know my own faith. or... how shallow it still is, rather. I know what I believe, what I have always believed... but I can't say why I believe it!
Me: and, being me, I have to have all the "why" answers I can get
Isaac: lol that sounds strangely familiar... now where have I heard that one before... (I do too)
Me: smile
Isaac: it's rather difficult... I've come to find out that faith cannot really be explained, persay, faith is not a static thing to be taught, it is a dynamic truth to be lived
Me: that's kind of the answer I got from my profs.
Me: definitely something to think on... unfortunately I don't have the time to do much else, though. but I'm kind of glad. how would everything else in my life suffer if my faith started crumbling?
Isaac: yeah, it doesn't make much sense, it's not really satisfying, either
Isaac: *nods* I have to tell you that faith is the only thing that you find yourself holding on to when you're down in that little hole of doubt and depression that no one knows about but you and God
Me: I think I'll try to find the answers when I can. for now, I'll just continue believing what I've always believed and avoid confrontation about why I believe it. Sadie doesn't pester me too much with questions. but, oh, how I wish she wasn't straying!
Isaac: I don't think she's straying... rather trying to find the truth, seeking it... and that's what Christ wants each of us to do... seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. he wasn't talking to just sinners, his apostles were there, too
Isaac: well, his apostles were sinners, too
Isaac: but yuou know what I mean
Me: oh yeah... you're right
Me: I'd forgotten. I'm supposed to be praying for Sadie to find the truth, not to find MY truth.
Me: hm
Isaac: exactly.
Isaac: ideally, you're supposed to be praying that you would find His truth, and that you would stop trying to cling to your truth (I'm talking to myself, too)
Isaac: a wise Mother of the church once said that when you die, God will not look at how much you attended Church, or how many brownie points you scored with teachers, or how many prayers you've said, rather he'll ask you how many people you clothed that were naked, how many poor you took in when they were shelterless

(Some irrelevant conversation where I say some dumb stuff... Hence the omittance. :) )

Isaac: anyways, I am probably taking you away from studying
Me: hey, thanks for IMing me. and definitely thank you for your prayers! that is so appreciated
Isaac: but of course. today was St Nicolas day in the Eastern Orthodox reckoning, and the message of the day was "Oh how good and pleasent it is for brothers (and sisters) to dwell in harmony" I just wanted to share with you some of that harmony that through Christ we all have in our hearts

The two incredible truths he reminded me of were the one I mentioned to him about THE truth, not MY truth, and the fact that when any of us are in the absolute pit of darkness as far as searching for truth goes, we still have faith. Isn't that crazy? It's so deep. Faith cannot be explained, because even when we've lost all confidence in our beliefs, we still have faith! As my beloved Sunday School teacher would say, "That's HUGE!" :D

I'm so glad he IMed me and reminded me of those things!

YEAH DIARYLAND!!! :D

-Stephanie

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