Man. You know, sometimes I am amazed at myself. After what I've been through today, you wouldn't think that I would even think of updating my diary to tell people what's going on. But I do. And I can tell you why. It is solely because God is giving me a constant supply of hope and strength to rely on while I have none myself.

Yeah, you see this face, this face of hope? Left to myself, it wouldn't be there. It would be a face of complete despair and hopelessness. You hear this sense of humor? That's not from me. That's something God, in His great mercy, blessed me with, and I tell you, I will be praising Him for it the rest of my days. Without humor, the world is a very bad, very ugly place, and NONE of us would be able to survive on it if there weren't such a thing as humor.

So here is the story. Last night--or rather this morning--my sister and my Mom had a huge fight. They always fight, and they always have. But today their fight was worse. I guess it's been building up all summer, with Sam always--as in constantly--out with her new friends, whom Mom and I have never seen. That wouldn't be so big a deal if we knew what Sam did with them. If we knew if she was getting drunk with them, sleeping with them... Or just happily boating out on the river. In short, Mom and I worry about her a lot, and that's why Mom and Sam fight all the time.

Well, today Mom and Sam had a huge fight, worse than all the rest, and Sam... Sam is moving out. Correction, she IS moved out. She moved across town to live with a couple calls Mama and Papa.

I've taken this really hard. I can only imagine how Mom must be taking it. It feels like our little family is being ripped apart to an even smaller family. But before I go dwelling on that... Sam and I cried and cried together last night. ({laugh} What a topic to switch to!) She said she's coming back. She doesn't know when... But she will come back.

That's what brings me a lot of hope. I would hate, hate, hate for my sister and my mom to leave on such negative terms. I know Sam's old enough to move out now, but for our family to come apart for such a sad reason... No, I can't tolerate that. If Sam doesn't come out and move back out normally like a normal person, I will have great difficulty in forgiving her. Or myself.

Okay. It's late. Tomorrow I leave to meet my pen pal of 5 years for the first time ever. I'll be gone this weekend, but please--all of you out there--any of you out there--please pray for my family. We really need God right now.

I love you all. Thank you for caring about me enough to read my journal.

In Christ,
Stephanie

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