{grits teeth} Again. A huge entry. I hit a wrong button. It's gone.

All I have left is this:

Tremble
Nichole Nordeman

Have I come too casually?
Because it seems to me
There's something I've neglected
How does one approach a Deity
With informality
And still protect the Sacred?

'Cause you came and chose to wear the skin of all of us
And it's easy to forget You left a throne

And the line gets blurry all the time
Between daily and Divine
And it's hard to know the difference

Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare to
Take the liberty to stare at you?
Oh, let me not,
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

What a shame to think that I'd appear
Even slightly cavalier
In the matter of salvation
Do I claim this gift You freely gave
As if it were mine to take
With such little hesitation?

'Cause you came and stood among the very least of us
And it's easy to forget you left a throne

The cradle and the grave could not contain Your Divinity
Neither can I oversimplify this love

-Stephanie

Okay, now that I'm over my little temper tantrum, there is a story behind the posting of those lyrics.

Today during doorhanging, I got stuck with the shyest guy at work, Jacob. Two shy people forced to ride in one car for at least 15 minutes to the neighboorhood and from it. Oh my.

Luckily we both are past our shyness enough to be willing to make small talk. I'm so glad. Silence would've been unbearably awkward.

We mostly talked about the weather and work at first. When we finished our block, we went to join the others in doorhanging a huge apartment complex, as was the plan, and then we were started back to Domino's. It was still 4:40, and, both of us knowing how much Ty hates anyone coming back early, we tried to think what to do. "We'll tell him we ran out," Jake said. It was almost true. I had four doorhangers left and he had about 10. But as we were driving, I said, "Let's just go find a street and use up our last ones. We only have a few left. Then we'd really be out... And it'd use up a few more minutes." Jacob agreed to this.

We stopped at a stop sign and as I looked up I realized we were right in front of my church! It was a bit out of the blue, but for the sake of conversation, I commented, "That's my church!"

"Oh, really?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, that building over there; and then that is our youth center," I said. "It used to be a Christian Scientist church, but we bought it."

"What kind of beliefs do you have?" Jake asked in the vague way peculiar to us shy, insecure persons. Then he backed up and stammered, "I mean, is it Christian, or...?"

"Yeah, it's a Christian church," I said, relieved to have something more concrete to pounce on. "Though we have some beliefs that make us different from other...denominataions. Like..." I'd started to stumble over my words as my face (and brain, apparently) heated up and now I stopped all together. I was about to tell him about the Wesleyan view of holiness, but suddenly couldn't find the words. How could I say it so he'd understand? "Some churches believe you become holy when you first become a Chrsitian," I finally said. "But we believe holiness comes from a lifetime of following God." There! I'd said something remotely comprehensible.

"I've never been much of a churchgoer," he said. "I used to go to the LDS church. But I thought their beliefs were... A little strange."

I raised my eyebrows, wondering which beliefs he meant, but of course I didn't say anything. We pulled over to the side to use up our last few doorhangers, and as I climbed out of the car, I just said, "Yeah. Mormons are really nice people, but I don't know if I quite agree with the idea of becoming gods after we die." And only the men at that, I silently added, but, not wanting to sound overly feministic (I am a tad, but I'm not overboard), I didn't say anything more.

That was pretty much the end of the conversation. That's how it goes when you have to shy people trying to talk. "Oh, that's what you believe? Oh, that's nice." We don't like to firmly give our own opinons and beliefs until we know someone well enough to know they won't get angry or upset or anything.

But later as I mulled over the episode in my prayer journal, I got some really huge thoughts out of just that little conversation. Here is what I wrote:

Today Jacob asked me about my religion and beliefs. Needless to say, it scared me out of my wits. I know what I believe... I think... But I can't verbalize it in any way, shape or form! :P I need to know how to answer people when they ask me what I believe. Especially nice people like Jacob who are looking around for what's real...

He used to go to an LDS church. Used to... He found some of their beliefs "kind of strange." Which ones? I'm awfully curious now...

Well, what do I believe? How could I verbalize it to people like Jacob? Imagining myself actually answering those questions, I find out some of our stuff sounds a little strange! "Son of God"? "Both God and man"? Who in the world is going to be able to understand that, much less believe it??

God, I need some help. I really don't know how I'd answer his questions!

Replaying the conversation...

"What kind of beliefs do you have?"

Instantly the "16 Articles of Faith" came to mind. (The "16 Articles of Faith" is just the written form of the Nazarene core beliefs.) First and foremost, Jesus is the Son of God, both God and man...

In the same instant I realized how weird that would sound--I realized how truly confusing and complicated the beliefs I take for granted would be to people who'd never heard of the Church.

So what would be a better way to answer the question?

"What kind of beliefs do you have?" Of course, at the time he was trying to figure out whether I was Mormon, Christian, Jewish, etc.... So rephrasing his question: "What do you believe?"

Well, I believe God loves me very much.

That's a good place to start.

"So much He sent His Son to die for my sins"? Does that sound weird?

No, it sounds... Christian. Hm. Would Jake understand that?

Ugh. It's late. I really have to get some sleep to wake up tomorrow, but I won't get any with these questions rolling around in my head.

His only son. To die for me... To take my place? No, he wouldn't understand that. But, if he asked, "Take your place for what?", that'd be something I could work with. Hm. This is so interesting. Jake hasn't been whacked over the head too much with Christianity like Ty seems to have been.

Bible verses. Bible verses would be GREAT to carry around! Like the "Roman Road."

Romans 3:23
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 6:23
The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life.

Romans 10:13
Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

There were two more, but I can't remember them...

Those verses never made more sense to me than they do now! WOW.

Romans 3:23... That covers that I have sinned. With it I could explain that God is so great, completely holy (perfect), that he can't tolerate any sin. So... If I... refuse to forgive someone after a fight, I get the same black mark I would if I had killed someone for the sheer joy of killing. (Ew.... What a horrible thought!)

Romans 6:23.... For my sin, no matter how small, I deserve death. Again, because God is holy and won't tolerate ANY sin.

But God doesn't want anybody to die in their sin. So he provided a way to obtain life and avoid death: by complete forgiveness. Available through his Son, Jesus Christ.

Why did it require any death at all? If God's so big--and so loving--couldn't he just forgive us without blood? [a person might ask.] He's loving--he's also just. But there's something you're missing: God didn't make just any innocent man die, it was His Son. In fact, He Himself! God--Jesus Christ. He was willing.

Oh my--You--you--are God. The God of the universe!

Enter the Nichole Nordeman lyrics! The God I speak to so easily is the King of the Universe. How do I approach Him?? The King of the Universe! And I write to Him as if He's my best friend! Do I come too casually to the foot of His throne? Should I be throwing myself on the ground, begging as Peter did for mercy on me, a poor sinner?

Somehow I don't think King Jesus would like constant groveling... Would he? My Bible says He calls me a friend, and also His child... Fathers don't make their children grovel at their feet. But isn't that because they know they're not perfect? But God is perfect. He's a perfect King; He's also a perfect Father.

How can a King be perfect if he lets his subjects ruin themselves?

Somehow I think this is always going to be rather a hard concept to grasp.... Especially with my finite mind. I have no infinitessimal abilities. Hm.

Lots of good thoughts to dwell on and keep my head occupied! Thanks for reading this huge, long entry. :)

-Stephanie