After reading Eowyn's entry from today, I typed up some thoughts on a word document. I came to some really good conclusions and rediscovered some great reminders, so even though I'm sure you've heard MORE than enough about a certain somebody I used to date, this, I think, is really worth writing.

I�ve been not able to sleep because of a guy before.
I�ve taken a year to get over a guy.
I�ve given up something and had to give it up and give it up again.
I�ve struggled with wanting to find the guy for me.
I�ve struggled with trying to accept that God may call me to be single all my life.

I haven�t been in a situation where a guy I still loved was leaving all too soon.
I haven�t had Christians backstab me before.
I haven�t met a guy and been sure he was perfect for me.

I have had to break up with a guy I was totally happy with because I knew he wasn�t right for me. It took me a long time to get over him. Thirteen months, to be more precise. During that whole year I had to learn a lot of stuff about God and his plan for my romance life.

I started falling for Nate when I was just a few months old spiritually. I had committed my entire life to Christ and was on the spiritual high of a lifetime! Happy was the day I discovered that Nate had liked me for so long.

I broke his heart. I broke up with him, though we were happy, because I knew he wasn�t right for me.

Our official breakup was May 30, 2004. But I didn�t start to get over him until 7 months later. And even then it took another 6 months to completely bury our relationship.

In that year of getting over him, I was in my first year of college. There were wonderful Christian guys all over the place, and everyone was finding boyfriends and getting engaged right and left. I watched them with hurt in my eyes and questions for God in my heart: Where is my guy? Why haven�t I met someone yet? The entire year I didn�t go on a single date.

My friends are still finding their soulmates and I still haven�t found anyone. The number one thing God keeps telling me is, �Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.� He says it another way: �Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.� He says it still another way: �But these things I plan won�t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! It will not be overdue a single day.� These are promises, through which God has been teaching me to trust him.

I know that God has been saying to me for at least several months that, before he brings someone special into my life, I have to learn to trust him completely. God must be my all before anything or anyone else. I know it�ll take a while to learn this.

God also wants me to know that I have a lot to learn about marriage in general before I�m ready for it. It�s a huge thing that requires a TON of commitment, commitment which I am certainly not ready for yet. So this is another thing God wants me to learn about before he brings me someone who will send my mind and heart reeling.

Knowing all of this, unfortunately, doesn�t stop it from hurting when I hear of the latest engagement. But it does give me something that I wouldn�t have if I didn�t have God: hope. Even an everlasting hope. Because even if I never find a someone, the pain which I might face here on earth will melt away when I finally see God, who never has and never will stop loving me. Even knowing right now that God has always loved me and will always love me helps ease the pain, as I know it will in the future while I wait.

I hope God succeeds in teaching me to rely wholly on him, because without him, life--especially a lonely life--isn�t even worth it.

Thank You, God, for reminding me to be patient and wait for You. I love You so much, Jesus.

---

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

-Stephanie

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