Last Saturday I was at the mall doing some Christmas shopping. I just saw "The Polar Express", where the boy starts to not believe in Santa Claus, and then he takes a trip to the North Pole and is proved wrong.

But... Santa's not real.

I looked at the man dressed up as Santa Claus as he accepted a towheaded little girl of about three years and her brother who looked about five years old, and just had an immense feeling of sadness. Kids really believe that stuff. They really believe they've met Santa... But Santa's not real.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my kids. It almost breaks my heart that we started this tradition in the first place... Deceiving little kids... I know it's just telling them stories, but if they knew it was just a story... I don't know.

Kids are hard for me to understand. I love them to pieces, because they're so cute, but I don't understand them. What kind of mother am I going to make?? I hope that God helps me understand kids more before I become a mother, because right now, with all this college knowledge invading my head, I am completely lost.

Maybe my future husband will know more about kids than I do...

{sigh}

-Stephanie