You ever have one of those moments where you just realize what kind of huge impact your sins had on other huge parts of your life? I just did. It's devastating.

I just wanted to write a clip from a letter to my dad to give a sort of visual of what my relationship is like with my sister. Because she's a big part of my life. Certainly bigger than I realized when we were growing up.

Sam... I don't know where Sam stands. I really can't figure it out... I've never asked deep enough to let me know why she feels the way she does. She's not someone who easily holds a grudge, and I don't think she has a problem trusting people--but I just don't know. When we were kids, we never got along. We fought every day. Sadly, I was usually at fault, expending judgments on her actions that I thought weren't right; and she, naturally, reacted in fury. Now that we've both matured and get along much better, thanks to avoiding touchy subjects, I look back at what my actions were like back then and see how it closed off our relationship for such a long, crucial period of our lives. Now that we're starting to heal--very slowly--I'm extremely careful in asking her about anything that might seem judgmental and close her off to me once and for all.

Sam's just barely starting to open up to me. I'm scared to death to be open to her; I don't want to say something that might start a fight between us. I want to know my sister. I want to know who she is and why she feels the way she does about things. I want her to be open with me.

Sam was never open with Mom either... She knows who I am, sort of, because I've talked to Mom about stuff in front of her that I normally wouldn't talk to her about. But she was never like that with anyone but her friends, so I still don't know who she is, which has honestly got to be the saddest story ever told...

I want to love her. Well, really, I do love her--but John says to love not just in word, but also in deed. So I can say that I want to love her and mean that I want to show her I love her. I really want to. And, man, it's a process, lemme tell you. I don't know any of the right things to say to her, which is a normal way for me to show people I love them--because I don't know who she is--I don't know what means something to her.

So even though this whole thing wasn't what I asked you to pray about, if you think of my sister, you can add to your prayer for her that our relationship would continue to heal. If she starts to open to me, maybe she'll start to open to the rest of our family... That would make us all really happy.

I love you, Sam.

-Stephanie