Today I tried to multiply 40 times 2 cents and got $8.00.

I also cried--miserable!--in front of my English prof. Uggh. Can I not ever confront teachers without bawling? Although I wasn't confronting her, she was confronting me--about my lack of confidence in my research writing skills. I want out of this class so bad but I feel like I shouldn't want out of this class so bad... Especially now that Dr. Straight has talked to me and knows who I am. Oh gosh, I hate dropping things. Or changing things. I'm scared to death of Dr. Straight... I don't know what I'm gonna do.

She thinks I've got chronic anxiety disorder now. She asked me, "Do you usually get worried before big papers are due?" I definitely said yes. I hate big papers. I hate them with a passion because I've never written one that meant a lot before and I feel like I'm being plunged into deep water to learn how to swim. And then she told me about various education topics that I "might find interesting" to write my term paper on, and I had to tell her I'm not in this for the education, I'm in this for the English! And because I care about people. I don't know that I care about teaching subjects. I want to teach life lessons to people--to young people, so I can actually make a difference in somebody's life.

Am I too worried about this?

Maybe I do have chronic anxiety disorder. I ought to go to the Counseling Center just to find out. Yeah, she recommended me to the Counseling Center. That's not too big a deal to me, though, because here the counseling isn't for mental health patients. It's just for normal people who have everyday problems and need to talk about them. It's just so small... My biggest concern is that I'll take up too much of the counselors' time. I mean, with 1200 kids, how much time do they have?

Ugh. I really am freaked out about this class... I want to go burrow into a hole in the wall and cry for a while... :'( But, alas, I have choir in fifteen minutes' time... And there aren't any burrowing holes on campus. I hate college... Why can't people just understand?

Aye-yi... She didn't even have a daunting personality when we were talking. She does have a really loud voice and talks really fast, which is a bit intimidating, and a reputation she knows little about which is VERY intimidating. :(

I am a sorry, sorry soul today. I promise in a couple days--probably tomorrow, even--I'll be my normal happy self. I'm just really worried about a class with the world's most daunting English professor ever. :(

School, oh school, why do you have to make things so hard??

-Stephanie

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023